The day I die I want my life to be celebrated. I want everyone to know that I lived my best life. Celebrating life isn’t just for those who wish to remain living but those who are content with death.

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Through the crack of the door I see his lifeless body.

Just a short time before I called my sister with urgency,
"Steph he isn't picking up!"

She drove the distance, so together we can discover what we fear, our father died overnight. He didn't want to live another day.

That day I celebrated his death because he was a man who was done living and made his wishes known.

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I have couple regrets, the first, not communicating with my father about his past and the second, not being there for him at his bitter end. Not that he necessarily would want to open up to me and share a childhood that would leave any child scared or have me present, to prevent his death.

Live a life free of regret.

Celebrating Life By

If you sense urgency in my message then you understand the importance of getting my message out. I could live today and be gone or forty-seven more years, dying at 101 like my grandmother. My days are numbered, but I am not going to keep count.

Living Passionately

If told, “Today is your last day, how do you wish to spend it?” Would you spend it doing what you love? Do you even have a passion worth living for? Finding one’s passion offers a reason to live.

My father was a compassionate man but lacked a passion for life. He earned a literary degree, worked in journalism, but spent his career writing press releases. His work didn’t seem to sustain him.

I have discovered my purpose and it aligns with my passion. Writing while walking alongside others who are in the midst of their struggles is where I find fulfillment. Not only am I fueled by my passion, but my father’s compassion runs through my veins.

Being Present

Where are you at the moment? Do I have your full attention? Or are you lost in thought, thinking about what you did or what’s to come? Because what I have to say will change the way you think about today.

I wonder if my father’s sadness is because he was holding on to his past? The anxiety that prompted each panic attack kept him from embracing a life full of potential. Did his past stifle his hope for his future?

Most people go through life holding on to the past or dreading the future. The unresolved resentment breeds bitterness and anxiety looms over those who fear the uncertainties of the future–the result a life controlled by a substance. Alcohol and drug dependency keeps us from being present.

Learning from the past.

We all have a past and its within the past where we learn how to live. It’s important to not ignore our past, but deal with it so we can put it to rest. And it’s not just our past that we should be concerned with but understanding the past of our loved ones.

The past of our loved ones can provide context in our own lives. We are shaped by our upbringing and our insecurities lend themselves to our bad choices in life. Like my father I allowed alcohol to taint my life.

I spent some of my best years celebrating life with alcohol and I do want my friends to remember our drunken escapades, but more importantly celebrating life as a woman with a sober-mind is how I want remembered.

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Not dwelling on the past.

The past will weigh us down preventing us from living each day to the fullest. Which is why we need to deal with our past. But we cannot change the past so its best to recognize it and put it behind us.

I choose to not remain upset with anyone who I felt betrayed me during my time of need. Nor do I remain bitter to a world that I cannot alter. Instead I choose to surrender each day and allow my life to unfold as its meant to.

Let go of yesterday and don’t worry about tomorrow, instead find the passion for today.

Celebrating An Untimely Death

Not everyone gets the opportunity to celebrate their death but I do. I died April 6, 2021 and I died a sinner’s death. It wasn’t planned, after all not everyone celebrates being arrested for assaulting a police officer. Trust me it wasn’t something I planned.

We don’t know when we are going to die. Before I do I have a few things that I think others should know:

• Death doesn’t always mean we stop living, but as a follower of Christ you can experience a spiritual death. A spiritual death leads to a rebirth and an opportunity to live life to its fullest.
• As a believer life continues following our physical death because our spirits find a home in heaven.
• A life well-lived deserves to be celebrated and a well-lived life is measured by how we choose to live.

It sounds morbid to celebrate death but it helps to change your perspective and see death as a beautiful part of living. For me during my rebirth I rose from the ashes and upon my physical death will return. I am just grateful for second chances at life.

I died a sinners death.

Celebrating A Life Once Lived

When people die we celebrate their accomplishments. When my father passed we had a modest funeral. He didn’t have many friends but he did touch the hearts of others.

As I stood in line to greet family and friends, a couple young women attempted to walk by without the awkwardness of sharing their condolences. I didn’t know who these young women were and surprised to see strangers paying their respect for my father.

I later learned that they work at a restaurant my father frequented. They recounted how my father spoke of admiration of me and my siblings. Not everyone has a father and they viewed my father as a father figure.

My father’s father died when he was an infant, so my father never had a father figure.

Celebrating Life Left Unlived

There is so much I don’t understand about life. But I do see each day as a gift. I choose to celebrate the days ahead me, even if they don’t go as planned.

While I am given the air to breathe and brain to communicate I plan on living each day passionately. It is through the written Word and the words placed on my heart that I will use to celebrate each day.

With an Open Heart

Opening my heart to Christ during my time of need is what allows me to live each day to it’s fullest. I know its difficult being human and humbling ourselves to a higher power. It is within my higher power where I have discovered peace.

My father lived a tormented life and I know he had read through the Bible more than once. I don’t know if he was still searching at his time of death or perhaps God simply called on him and he surrendered his life.

As a mother what I want my daughters to understand is that there is a better way to live. We can live on self-will and see that life doesn’t always go the way we plan. Peace and contentment is found by opening the heart to Jesus.

Fearlessly

My father was left emotionally cripple from a life that haunted him. He chose to not live life fearlessly instead wished to die. His greatest accomplishments and mine are our children.

Today I choose to not just recover from my past but heal for my father. I want him to know that I will live life fearlessly, sharing how I overcome my struggles to offer hope to others. And it doesn’t stop with me.

I want my daughters to know that as a Christian I don’t fear death. My life is a gift and meant to be lived passionately. Each day we should use our God-given talents and live boldly.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4 NIV

Celebrating Life With A Father’s Love

There is something unique about receiving the love from a father. Not everyone gets to experience that kind of love. However, what is available to everyone is the unconditional love from our Father in heaven.

We don’t need to be burdened with a life that we have no control over. God gives us everything we need to get through our darkest days. We just need to turn to Him and surrender any pain from our past and anxieties for the future.

When we return to God then it’s time to celebrate.