It wasn’t when I surrendered to the police officer that I understood what a sacrifice was. It wasn’t when I surrendered my problem with alcohol to my higher power that I understood what a sacrifice was. It was when I surrendered to the authority of God that I committed my ultimate sacrifice.

Surrender to the Police

Following the accident I had to protect my daughter. It’s what I tell myself to accept what I had done. Afterall how could someone like myself commit such a heinous crime?

I can’t actually recall the actions that led to my arrest. How convenient to be a blackout drunk and not have to deal with the traumatic event. It can’t play over and over in my head. To be fair, I knew I wasn’t innocent, but yet I didn’t want to surrender.

I went away biting, kicking, and screaming.

What kind of mother does that? The kind of mother who is in need of help. We are out there and our lives are slowly spiraling, yet we don’t seek help. God gets to us before we can help ourselves.

Surrender to My Higher Power

After spending forty-days reflecting on my actions I joined a group of people, like me, that struggled with alcohol. It was in Alcoholic’s Anonymous, a twelve-step program where I learned to surrender to a higher power. I wasn’t able to do it on my own, so I asked for help.

I can’t say that alcohol alone was my problem. How convenient I could hide behind the bottle to not have to deal with my problem of pride. Each step in the twelve-step program is intentional. To be fair, I discovered that I was a very flawed woman and didn’t want to accept the mother I had become.

I left Alcoholic’s Anonymous because I was still thirsty.

What kind of mother quits a program that works because of a craving from her flesh? The kind of mother who can only be saved by the ultimate authority. Every day women, like me, are searching. God meets us right where we are at.

Surrender to God

During my forty-day break from playing housewife I became a Christian, out of an act of desperation. It was the only way to get past my actions. Not necessarily from the arrest but everything that led up to the arrest.

I have to say, “I didn’t see it coming.” Others might say, “Karen, how convenient now your a Christian so your actions are dismissed.” It’s not quite that easy. First I had to die, a miserable sinner’s death. It was humiliating and then I had to commit myself to a new way of living. To be fair, it wasn’t just my life that needed to be sacrificed but my family’s.

I dragged my family into my new life.

What kind of mother does that? The kind of mother who is serious about her future and the future of her children. It’s the most beautiful selfless gift you can give your children.

I know because my mother gave it to me.

The Sacrificial Acts of Motherhood

Many a friend has told me, “Karen, I would have done the exact same thing you did.” Maybe they would have, but first they would have had to commit the egregious crime. That’s where we differ.

Then my attorney also wanted to normalize my actions. He shared of accounts, where women, like myself went crazy during the time of an arrest. To me it signaled a time for change.

Out With Old

My lifestyle, the one I enjoyed with family and friends, no longer served me. The excess alcohol use for recreation and the abuse would need to be sacrificed.

Nobody asked me to change.

In With the New

Following my forty days I didn’t return home demanding change from others. Instead I decided to be the woman of change. It is time to live a life that doesn’t abuse her body but learns to love her body.

What I Won’t Sacrifice

After twenty-five years of marriage and motherhood I uprooted our family’s way of life. It was the only way to allow for new growth. Afterall what is sacrifice without change?

I can’t say that change has been easy. We set the standards for our children of what is acceptable. My new way of life didn’t put my family first. To be fair, putting them first is what did me in.

I will never sacrifice my faith.

What kind of mother puts a relationship with Jesus before their own children? The kind that needs forgiveness for her sins. Afterall God sacrificed His one and only begotten son for all of us.

Through Jesus Christ, God set the example. We learn what true unconditional love is. Before my rebirth I didn’t have that love to offer. It’s the sacrificial love we only receive from God and now I have it for my daughters.

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