My gift giving is a bit unconventional. For my twenty-fifth anniversary I gifted my husband with a break from our marriage. And here I am, five years later, offering a lifetime commitment.
The Perfect Wedding Gift
Presents
When we marry, we include a registry, a wish list of sorts of what is needed to start a life together. Over the years we add to it, buying what we need when we need it. Eventually we accumulate so much that we no longer are in need.
Today with the average age of women 28.4 and men 30.8 at the time they marry, most already have the material possessions needed for everyday living. Money is another popular wedding gift. Setting funds aside to invest in a marriage and providing security for the future.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, nor does it secure the future of a marriage.
A Lifetime Commitment
The idea of marriage is daunting, especially, as of 2025, approximately 39-42% of first marriages in the United States are projected to end in divorce. When we first get married and say “I do” we don’t really know what we are getting into. The “I do” still stands even when “we don’t.” There are no guarantees that married life will be easy. Which makes the commitment gift so difficult to freely give.
AI states: The “gift” of marriage commitment, often described as having “no returns,” refers to a covenant-based, lifelong partnership that prioritizes unconditional love and stability over temporary feelings or transactional, 50/50 contracts. It is a firm, “100/0” or “100/100” commitment where one gives fully, expecting nothing in return, often modeled after unconditional or sacrificial love.
The gift of a marriage commitment shouldn’t be taken lightly.
The Anniversary Gift
Wedding gifts are given during the nuptials but each year of marriage is worth a celebratory gift. What can the husband offer the wife and vice versa that will be appreciated? Traditional anniversary gifts mark the year of celebration.
Year 25 is silver but I gave my husband paper.
Symbolic Gifts
Paper is the first year anniversary gift, five years is wood, ten years is tin/aluminum, fifteen years is crystal, twenty years is China, and twenty five years is silver for those who are traditional gift givers. My husband and I are not the traditional gift givers. On our twenty-five wedding anniversary I gifted him paper and mailed him a letter.
To this day my husband keeps the letter in his desk drawer. The letter was written in lieu of a in-person celebration. Our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary I spent time away in a rehab for thirty-days.
During that time I was in need of a reprieve from our marriage. My husband isn’t only the father of my children, but he was my drinking buddy. Over the years it wasn’t just the alcohol but the lack of coping skills to deal with a broken world. Our relationship had become toxic and I needed as much a break from our marriage as the alcohol we consumed together.
Today I view thirty-days spent in rehab away from my husband a symbolic gift that saved our marriage.
Giving Just To Give
Gift giving itself can be a stressor on a marriage. There will be years when the budget doesn’t allow for a gift. Even after a sacrifice is made the most meaningful gifts may not be appreciated.
When a gift doesn’t come from the heart it lacks meaning. The past couple years my husband has repeatedly said, “You should buy yourself a new ring.” When we first married the budget didn’t allow for anything extravagant so he bought me a modest ring. I declined his offer, explaining that the ring he bought me represents our marriage.
I don’t need a big expensive diamond as proof of my committed relationship.
The gift of a wedding band represents a lifetime commitment.
A Lifetime Commitment that Extends Generations
Each year my husband and I celebrate that we made it through another year of marriage. Our celebrations demonstrate to our daughters the importance of the commitment. We want our daughters to know that when times get tough, which they do, the commitment is important.
In lieu of gifts we started to create experiences. Trips, spending time together is how we choose to celebrate. I would rather create memories than have a tangible gift.
Celebrating With Alcohol
In the past the celebrations always included plenty of alcohol. Not just a simple toast 🥂 but a continuous flow. Our marriage was fueled by alcohol.
In 2020 we spent our anniversary on COVID lockdown with our daughters. Our celebration was alcohol themed.
A year later I found myself alone, surrounded by a dozen strangers, celebrating our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.
Following this celebration I found myself in rehab for alcohol abuse. It was during this time away from my loved ones that I was given a second chance for a lifetime commitment. On April 6, 2021, following Easter weekend I was reborn.
Celebrating Without Excess Alcohol
Many of our anniversaries are an alcohol induced blur. After we made lifestyle changes that do not include drunkenness I am able to offer another gift. Following the twenty-fifth anniversary I decided it was time to be present.
Today a gift for myself is developing healthier relationships, not just with alcohol but with family and friends. Although I still enjoy spending time with my friends who like the effects of their alcohol I want to enjoy the full experience of each celebration. I can’t do that while I’m intoxicated.
A gift to my daughters is breaking the generational curse of alcohol abuse within our family.
A Lifetime Commitment Takes Two
The lifetime commitment isn’t for everyone. One-sided relationships do not benefit from the gift. In relationships that remain broken, after both parties try to reconcile the gift isn’t of value.
My mother extended the gift to my father. I don’t think my father valued her gift. Both are deceased so I can only share from my experience and not their marital intentions. What I recall is my mother working to preserve a marriage and my father taking their marriage fore granted. The day my mother left him for a solo vacation is the day he died. My father never seemed to have recovered from a traumatic childhood and it was my mother who sustained him.
While few of my friends marriages have dissolved, the shared commitment my husband and I have to our marriage is what makes it work. Our marriage was on a path towards destruction, until I made a sever course redirection. My husband stood by my side as I navigated our new path that included recovery. Together we are making the changes needed to make our marriage work and it takes sacrifice from both of us.
Swallow Your Pride shares how our marriage overcame alcoholism.
I thought we had everything. All of our material needs were met but something was missing. My husband and I made a commitment before God but we didn’t honor that for the first twenty-five years of our marriage.
The Commitment Before God
Thirty-years ago we made a joint commitment, not just to each other but before God. I didn’t meet my husband out of happen stance but because God had intervened in my life. During a time of being involved in unhealthy relationships I prayed out to God and God delivered.
For years I did not appreciate our marriage. But today, having a relationship with Jesus I value the gift of a lifetime commitment. Even the days that I feel hate towards my husband, I am committed to our marriage. I do not want to forsake God for his gift.
Prior to five years ago, all of my materials wants were taken care of but there was something missing. I had a hole size shape in my heart and my husband couldn’t fill it. When I called out to God for help he delivered with Jesus.
Today I lack nothing. All of my needs are met and I have been given the most precious gift of all. God.
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