Stuck In My Own Denial

After ten years of ignoring an emptiness in my life, I found myself drowning in a sea of alcohol. My husband and I were living a lifestyle which slowly was poisoning my body. It wasn’t just the alcohol but the worldly toxins which my body was ill equipped to deal with.

On the outside, my life looked healthy. Even as I peered into the mirror, I didn’t see my own realities. So I chose to poison my body with a slow trickle (some evenings a heavy flow) of alcohol. Until one day I was forced to wake up, peer into that mirror, and accept my hard truths.

God has given me a second chance.

Unstuck In Her Own Denial

Over ten years ago, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. She handled her diagnosis like a champ. Dealing with it head on and partnering with God for a favorable outcome. During that time period she was given additional information regarding her health, a diagnosis of COPD. A condition which the doctors said would warrant the need for oxygen in ten years.

My mother-in-law lived a very clean, Christian life. She never ingested anything poisonous, exercised on a regular basis and maintained a strong relationship with Christ. Being diagnosed with COPD did not fit into her lifestyle. I wonder was she in denial?

As the ten year mark approached she made a decision to go to the emergency room to discuss a cough which she was unable to rid for several months. The doctors dismissed her concern diagnosing her cough as a COVID cough. The doctors were in denial because she was a lady of good health and COVID has been the go to for all health problems. Her intuition told her to insist they delve deeper.

Last October, following that ER visit, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. Eventually she was put on oxygen, not for COPD, but to treat her deteriorating lung capacity. She was given six months to live. In those six months she went through all of the stages of grieving, denial being one of them. To me it appeared her greatest pain was knowing she lived a life free of poisoning her body, but in the end her body was ravaged with cancer. That truth must have been so very painful.

March 2023, five months following her diagnosis, my mother-in-law succumbed to cancer. I prayed God would give her a second chance.

Stuck In Denial Until I Faced the Truth

A couple years into my recovery, I slowly have been facing my truths. I am stepping out of denial and into the life God has called for me to live. A life where my body is to be a temple and used as a vessel to share His word, not full of alcohol.

God has a plan for me and is giving me limited days to live out His plan. I am accepting each truth and learning to deal with whatever life throws at me. Each day in honor of my mother-in-law and father who has previously past, it is my mission to take on each day being sober-minded.

Truth Hurts

The grow-together.blog is a weekly blog publication which scratches the surface of my struggles with life and sobriety. It is meant for introspection and to question your own daily struggles. Truth Hurts takes a deeper look, sharing my daily struggles in a less formal, more intimate approach,. I will supplement the grow-together post with Truth Hurts digging deeper to spur on healthy growth.