The one thing that I find sobering as a woman who has overcome her problem with alcohol is the confusion with the word alcoholic. And what exactly it is to be an alcoholic or to have alcoholic tendencies. This post is to clear up the confusion and to share the telltale signs of actually what it is to have the problem we call alcoholism.
You might be surprised that it has very little to do with alcohol.
It is surprising the comments I receive from people who feel the need to tell me that they do not have a problem with drinking. I don’t ask, nor do I judge anyone, because I, at one time, was them. Actually… I still am.
In my writing I don’t like to call anyone out or make it obvious that they are my inspiration for a post. So we will use me as the example.
The Woman Drunk On the Spirits
The Visual Clues
“What does she look like…?” You might ask.
At first glance, she looks like you or me. She might have a good lookin’ guy by her side. They clean up well.
But there are signs…
Her skin might not be smooth, a bit granular. She might stumble a bit when she walks. In a social situation she may not be empty handed, but a glass that is full, then empty, and full once again. Perhaps there’s a leak.
Maybe sight alone doesn’t do the trick.
The Verbal Clues
“Have you listened to her speak…?”
At first, you think she’s just happy to see you. She is first to tell you, “I love you!” She must have a big heart.
But there are signs…
Often you find her reserved. However, she has a lot more to say when she is intoxicated. Her words seem to flow, not in a clear path, but they spill all over the place. She isn’t coherent. Not only does she stumble when she walks, but also when she speaks. You might find her annoying, because she just won’t shut up!
Visual + Verbal 🟰 The Telltale Signs of the Drunk
Put these signs together and you have the drunk. Not necessarily.
Have you heard of the dry drunk? It’s the person who thinks that just because they stop getting drunk they are not the alcoholic. They don’t necessarily have the “disease” of alcohol and perhaps can control their short-term drinking.
That was me until it wasn’t me.
The Dry Drunk
First… let’s clear up some vocabulary confusion.
Alcoholism: A chronic disease in which a person craves drinks that contain alcohol and is unable to control his or her drinking. A person with this disease also needs to drink greater amounts to get the same effect and has withdrawal symptoms after stopping alcohol use. Alcoholism affects physical and mental health, and can cause problems with family, friends, and work. Regular heavy alcohol intake increases the risk of several types of cancer. Also called alcohol dependence.
This was me. In 2020 I was at the height of my addiction. Over the years I was able to fully function in life, but I wasn’t dealing well with life.
The Progressive Disease: It’s important to understand that alcoholism is not a choice or a moral failing, but rather a chronic disease. This means that it is progressive in nature, meaning that it gets worse over time if left untreated.
I don’t necessary believe in the disease of alcohol as it pertains to my drinking. I made the choice to drink and for me “yes” it was a moral failing. That’s not for me to decide for anyone else. We are each responsible to properly diagnose and treat our illness.
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The Dry Drunk: Is an expression coined by the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous[1] that describes an alcoholic who no longer drinks but otherwise maintains the same behavior patterns of an alcoholic.
Even more important to cease our drinking is to work on the underlying problems that promotes it.
The person who is excited to share with me that they don’t have a drinking problem but then their behaviors demonstrate otherwise is who I’m talking about. They might start to bitch and complain about a person who they resent and allow their bitterness to surface. They might be able to maintain control by not taking the next drink, but lose it with their unflattering behaviors. Basically, they allow their unhealed past to dictate their current situation.
Alcohol has very little to do with the alcoholic behaviors.
Behavior Fueled By Alcohol 🟰 Pride
Put these two together, our behaviors fueled by alcohol and then you have a big problem. Pride.
Pride
Have you noticed the arrogance of the drunk? They have so much to say, but so little to say of value. Their words reflect them. Their insecurities bubble to the surface and they need to pump up their egos.
This was me, until I humbled myself.
The Woman Filled With the Spirits
The Visual Clues
“What does she look like…?” You might ask.
At first glance, she looks like you or me. She might have a good lookin’ guy by her side. They clean up well.
But there are signs…
She appears clear, few might even say she glows. She walks a straight line, doesn’t take the crooked path. Her hands might be free to have a glass of water.
Sight alone is all you need, but when she goes to speak watch out!
The Verbal Clues
“Have you heard her speak…?”
She wears her heart on her sleeve. She actually doesn’t even need to say a word. She just listens.
God-given Recovery
I didn’t necessarily choose to make changes to my lifestyle that included an over-consumption of alcohol, God chose me. My drinking was only a symptom of something far greater. I had a spiritual thirst that needed quenched. Today I don’t have a problem with drinking because I have decided to be filled with the Spirit.
God-given Gifts
A friend once told me that I was smarter when I drank. My messaging became somewhat wittier. With alcohol I would lose my inhibitions and a friend would never know what fun thing I might say.
This post is prompted by the other evening, when I just got done making dinner (Chicken ala King over puff pastry, yum!) and my husband wanted to take our boat out. We grabbed our bowl of food and I filled up my Yeti with a ration of wine to complement my dinner.
The sun was setting, music playing, and we were floating along on our dinner cruise when inspiration hit. I wasn’t intoxicated by my wine but by the beauty of the moment. Next week’s blog post, Riding through our emotions and living with anxiety, spilled out.
No longer do I need that over-consumption of alcohol to get my juices flowing, just experiencing life with a sober-mind is all it takes.
Note: This is me sharing my personal experience with recovery. Alcohol affects everyone differently and we all are unique in our alcoholism. Not everyone does or should drink alcohol following their journey to heal. But it’s up to us to show up as the best person we can with or without alcohol.
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.
Ephesians 5:18 NIV
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