I hear it all the time in the rooms of recovery, people who don’t know how to shut up. You give them three minutes and they take five. As humans we are filled with passion and the burning desire to share but what we really need to do is to stop talking, start listening.

Talking and listening work together to effectively communicate.

Communication

We all communicate, each living being but not always with verbal cues. And not everyone is a Master of Communication. Words get misconstrued and can cause more harm than good.

It takes listening to understand another’s view and then we can offer empathy.

An Unteachable Skill

My daughter, Kirsten, recently received her Master of Science, Speech-language Pathology at Thomas Jefferson University. She has always had a passion for helping others overcome struggles that impact speech. Her purpose for her profession was determined early on in her education.

Today when Kirsten shares her experience as a Speech-pathologist it is her compassion for others that is evident.

Kirsten’s advisor told her that she has an unteachable skill set for her career choice. It’s a skill that can’t be taught but carries innate qualities that will serve her profession. She has the intuitive ability, personality trait, empathy, and patience to serve others.

Learned Behavior

There are others who haven’t quite mastered communication naturally. Sure they know how to speak and listen but they aren’t effective at getting their point across. Their messaging can cause more harm than good.

Sometimes I hear myself talking but don’t even know what I’m saying. It’s as if I’m talking just to be heard but not with a coherent message. To best communicate we first need to listen.

By Listening

For the Speech-language Pathologist listening is a vital tool. In speech therapy, listening is not just about hearing words; it is about understanding, interpreting, and responding appropriately.  When we choose to be intentional with our listening we can avoid relational problems with others.

Kirsten purposely listens to her clients to treat them.

By Writing

When I slow down to get my words out it’s usually in the form of writing. At first my message comes out like word-vomit, spewed all over my computer screen. Then I take a look at my message to make sure it makes sense. Writing helps me to clearly communicate what I have to say, when verbal communication fails me.

I find my purpose through writing.

Writing With A Purpose

This post has been crafted with a purpose. The words kept me up last night, as I prepared what I wanted to say. Each sentence, each word is written with passion, not just a purpose.

Writing With Passion

My thoughts are initiated in my head but it is within my heart where my message is processed. I feel everything as I write. It’s a burning desire from within that keeps my writing dreams alive.

Stop talking, stop writing…

A big part of the reason as to why I’m in recovery is because I kept talking and writing, not listening to what the others had to say. The world revolved around me and I lacked the ability to discern what needed said.

Social Media

We live in a world where everyone has a voice. We can show up in person and attempt to force our message on another or we can hide behind a computer screen and quietly type out our message. But many of us are too busy with their own thoughts that we choose to not listen.

I was that person. Over five years ago, I wasn’t a good listener. It wasn’t necessary because I didn’t know how, but I wasn’t tolerant of what a friend had to say.

Tolerance

There is something that is lacking in society today. Tolerance. We take offense to anything that doesn’t align with our beliefs.

Listening, understanding, and tolerance: the full circle of humanity highlights the importance of tolerance and is one of my most read blog posts.

The Key Ingredients

Passion

I did have a passion. Design. When I retired my lead pencil and hung up my t-square I didn’t find a substitute that offered the same zest for life. My substitute was recreational drinking that promoted gossip and listening to mindless news that promoted bitterness and resentment.

I was passionate but passion isn’t healthy unless it serves a good purpose. My writing lacked purpose because I wasn’t tolerant and didn’t know how to listen.

We are nothing without purpose.

Purpose

I did have a purpose. Motherhood. While I pursued my passion of design work I also raised my daughters. However, as they matured into adulthood I felt as if I lacked purpose. No longer did I feel needed.

When we lack purpose we have nothing to live for and our lives lose value. I needed more out of life and discovered recovery.

My past and my passion led to my purpose.

Compassion

My passion may have gotten me in trouble but it was my lack of purpose that led to the need for me to recover. It was time to heal the wounds from my past that created the prideful woman that I had become.

Our messages lack value unless they serve a purpose. Today I spend less time on social media and more time with women in recovery. It is these women who I am compassionate about.

Today its my heart that serves my purpose.

Start listening…

People don’t just need to be heard but feel heard. We all have lived experiences that have shaped us, the good and the bad. Social media isn’t the place to vent and expect everyone to agree.

Recovery

It’s in the rooms of recovery where I learned to listen. Actually, we are forced to listen because there is no crosstalk allowed. Crosstalk is either giving unsolicited advice, interrupting someone’s thought or directly responding to their share.

In the rooms of recovery you will find a judgement free space. Political discussions or polarizing views are discouraged. Respect is granted to everyone.

Passion

Today I have new passion. Writing Fiction. Redemption Fiction is my genre of choice.

I am passionate about people who choose to seek forgiveness for their actions and want to grow as a person. The character who is desperate for change, yet resistant. She is the woman I want to write about.

Purpose

We live in a world that promotes unhealthy lifestyle choices. Most of us remain in denial that we are part of the problem. Non-fiction recovery books aren’t bought buy the woman who chooses to remain in denial.

Redemption Fiction will meet that woman where she is at. It provides entertainment while inspiring change. It’s my desire to write with a purpose to serve others.

Swallow Your Pride, A writer’s guide for recovery is an introspective self-help book.

Compassion from a Healthy Heart

Although I always have been a caring person I didn’t have the compassion to be effective communicator. In recovery I learned the steps and received the tools necessary to combat the threat of alcoholism, but it wasn’t the alcohol that was my problem. My heart wasn’t whole.

A healed heart is the product of recovery. In recovery we discover our individual path to heal. What I lacked was a relationship with Christ. When I welcomed Christ into my heart that is when I became whole.

Today I can write from a healthy, whole heart. My messaging can be more effective to those who choose to listen. And I have the passion to write my heart out!