It takes a lifetime to build a legacy, but following the death of a loved one that legacy can be quickly dismantled if we do not maintain a healthy perspective.
Carl the Builder
Carl started his career as a roofer.
He built roofs, that provide protection.
A roof structure provides a sense of security, protection from the outside forces.
Carl’s career evolved into being a builder and developer.
He built houses, that provide shelter and developed communities.
A shelter symbolizes a safe space, a sense of security and a foundation for relationships and community.
Carl created a family.
A daughter-in-law’s tribute to her father-in-law.
He built a future with his wife and their two sons.
He taught his sons hard work and what is needed to maintain a healthy marriage.
Carl built a legacy.
He built a lasting impression for his family.
Carl is remembered for his easy demeaner and strong faith.
Build A Life
Building a life worthy of a legacy sounds daunting. Doesn’t it? Actually it’s not when we put it in perspective. Let’s dismantle the making of a good life and the participants.
A Good Life
The good life is subjective. It is comprised of several different metrics. Over the course of one’s life their standards shift and change.
PERSONAL SUCCESS
It takes hard work to meet our goals. The hard work we put in over the years provides a sense of accomplishment. Although personal success leads to wealth and security it comes at a price.
We sacrifice being present when our focus is on what we can gain.
WEALTH
When we measure the good life on personal success with material wealth and bank accounts it’s a false sense of security. Although wealth in the form of money offers comfort, unfortunately, material goods aren’t a reliable factor in determining the good life.
Focusing on material wealth leads to greed.
SECURITY
Others look towards stable relationships that offer security. It’s about the people in our lives and having a healthy support system. Although security is found within our healthy relationships, we can’t depend on others to provide the good life.
People die leaving us to fend for ourselves.
The Family
Not all marriages succeed. Some dissolve overtime, while others wear out their welcome. A lasting marriage isn’t simply about remaining married but persevering through the rough times. It isn’t easy and takes two people who need to be all in.
The legacy is all about the family.
THE FIRST MARRIAGE
Most families are created from marriage #1. The first love is new and exciting. The couple jumps into a relationship, eager to build a life together. Eventually, circumstances change: people evolve and life happens. For whatever reason the union dissolves.
It is the family that suffers.
THE SONS
Carl’s marriage died with the death of his wife. She left behind a faithful husband and two loving sons. Carl’s sons learned what it takes to be a provider, a husband and father through their example.
They also witnessed their father’s weaknesses after the loss of their mother.
THE SECOND MARRIAGE
After Carl lost his wife he still had a life to live. He sought companionship and found it in wife #2. Second marriages are not easy for the children and it has nothing to do with the second wife, but the union created with their mother.
It’s about how the second marriage impacts the legacy and maintaining a healthy perspective.
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Build A Life with A Healthy Legacy
The most important gift we can give to our children is a healthy legacy. The legacy is determined by what the family values most. It is the values that can destroy a legacy so it’s important to maintain a healthy perspective following the death of a loved one.
A legacy is like an investment. It’s the decisions we make today that affect the future we leave behind after we pass on. For some, a legacy looks like personal property and financial assets. For others, it’s a family business or career success. The legacy we leave may also be something that existed internally, like our character that lives on in our loved ones.
What is a Legacy? | Meaning & Ways to Leave a Lasting Legacy
How we choose to define legacy is dependent on what we value most in life. If it’s money, we will live our lives to achieve financial success so that we may leave a legacy of great monetary value. If it’s character, then we will live a life of integrity and honor so that we will leave a legacy of influence.
The Financial Legacy
Parents work hard. They make sacrifices and conserve through out their life. They make a conscious effort to not spoil their children but rather teach them the hard work needed to be financially independent.
WEALTH
For those who are financially savvy and have had the good fortune to amass any type of wealth, it usually extends to their heirs upon their death. It’s a choice made by the parents.
It can lead to self destruction if the children don’t have the tools needed to maintain their inheritance.
TOOLS
Even better than dying with amassed wealth and material goods is providing the tools needed to succeed. Material wealth is fleeting and provides temporary enjoyment.
But the tools allow for the future generations to create their own independence.
The Character Legacy
The character legacy is learned behavior by witnessing how our loved one lived life. We don’t always think about the impact our actions make on future generations, until it’s too late. We need to be proactive when shaping our legacy.
BUILD A LIFE WITH HEALTHY CHOICES
A healthy lifestyle is about clean living, not polluting our bodies with unhealthy substances and our minds with immoral thoughts. Substances keep us from being present and making the most of each day. While an unhealthy mindset keeps us bitter and in bondage to our past.
We are human so we do sin, it’s what we do with the sin.
BUILD A LIFE WITH CONSISTENCY
Our lifestyle is a way of life. Being consistent with good choices in life makes us dependable. This impacts our relationships and builds trust.
By living a life consistent of good values leads to humility which is the ultimate goal.
BUILD A LIFE WITH GENEROSITY
It’s not about getting more but what we do with what we have. If it’s an overabundance of time, then what is the best way to use your time? If your work keeps you busy, then what can you do with your earnings to help others?
The selfish man doesn’t give back.
Build A Life With More Than A Legacy
Many of us grow up in a Christian home, not necessarily living out the “Christian” values. We all fall short, including the parents. As parents we can strive to set the bar by example and this takes continuous work.
My husband is the man he is today because of his upbringing. For me it isn’t about what his father has left behind materialistically but the character traits his father instilled in him.
Carl’s character traits:
- Hard Worker – Throughout life Carl worked hard, not just mundane easy work but hard industrious labor. He was a do-it-yourselfer and taught my husband the tricks of the trade.
- Great Provider – Carl did not spoil his sons but instilled a strong work ethic. This approach is carried over to our daughters and affords me the opportunity to serve others.
- Create Security – By working hard Carl was able to secure his future. He showed my husband that we can retire early and maintain a carefree lifestyle.
- Stay Committed – Carl was married fifty-seven years to my mother-in-law. He remained by her bedside, up until her last breath. My husband remained with me during the time I needed him most.
- Valued People – Carl was an extremely likeable man. He always offered a helping hand to anyone in need.
Maintaining A Healthy Perspective
Following my mother-in-laws death my father-in-law remarried. She brought companionship and love back into Carl’s life. The remarriage is what he needed but impacts the legacy he created with my mother-in-law.
We lost Carl, March 1, and it hasn’t been easy dealing with his estate. My husband, the eldest son, is appointed the trustee and left to deal with a broken legacy. We have to work through the loss of a generation and maintain a new life that he started.
The choices my husband makes doesn’t just impact us but our daughters and his brother’s family. He needs to honor his father’s wishes, while at the same time try to keep the legacy intact.
The Legacy of Christ
When my mother-in-law passed away, two years and a week prior to my father-in-law’s death, the Pastor shared a message on how her legacy will live on. Our time on earth is temporary. We live well today, based on the choices we make, and that is what provides a lasting legacy for our loved ones.
It’s not easy to be a Christian. Everyday is a constant battle between wanting to live a corrupt free lifestyle vs. indulging our sin-filled desires. Both my husband and I were brought up in homes with different levels of dysfunction. What each home had in common was Christian values.
Our parents were far from perfect but gave us what we need to maintain a healthy marriage. It’s up to us to carry on his parents legacy and not allow greed, bitterness and resentment destruct what took a lifetime to build.
A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, And the wealth of a sinner is stored up for [the hands of] the righteous.
Proverbs 13:22 AMP
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