To succeed in life, not only is it important to identify our core values, but our actions must align with them. The problem arises when we do not properly identify the values needed to succeed so our actions play off of a faulty set of values.

I can't put my finger on it. I look down at my cards. Spirituality, growth, passion, and creativity are all values that resonate, but what is it that's missing? 

I start to search through the cards, not knowing what I am looking for. When it hits me... Authenticity-the quality of being real and genuine. How can it be the one card, out of all the core values isn't even an option? 

Apparently, I am not playing, nor was I ever playing with a full deck!

Core Values Needed To Succeed

Prior to making the necessary steps to live my best life, it was my values that dictated my actions. And, my actions were what got me into trouble. Following a life event, which compelled the need for change, it became necessary to reevaluate the values that were not serving me and establish a new set of values. My new values will dictate the type of life I wish to live.

Today, I still live by my values, but am identifying the values I need to succeed. These values are personal to me, found from within. For me to succeed I need to be authentic, true to myself. Authenticity is my central core value and will lead me to the other values needed to keep me on track.

What is a core value?

A core value is a personal ethic and/or ideal that guides decision making, building relationships and solving problems. Once we establish our core value, we can create an ideal to work towards, by incorporating our actions into our daily lives.

How to identify our core values?

Establishing our core values isn’t as easy as one might think. The problem is our thinking, because our brain has an idea of who we are, a person created from the world around us. Starting in our childhood, we play a role to fulfill the expectations of others. We grow up with our family values, they shape us. Then as adults we are submersed in a world that plays to our weak value system.

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How To Play

Ask yourself these questions:

• Whose values are these? Is it a value to meet someone else’s expectations, to fit a mold of the society that surrounds us or does it come from my heart?
• Is it a past, current or aspirational value? Does this value reflect the way you once lived, do you notice it in your current actions or is a value to work towards?
• Does the value fall under another value? Do you notice any values that fall under one main value?

Starting with the long list of values; categorize into 3 piles, most important, somewhat important and not important; now look at the most important pile and start to eliminate values until you get down to five.

Playing With A Full Deck

Questions at 4 a.m., curiosity and personal core values, is a podcast interview between Shelby John and Angie Chaplin, both women in recovery for alcoholism. Each woman shares her unique path in recovery and their strategies to succeed. Angie, a leader in mindfulness, implemented the skills she acquired in graduate school for her recovery.

Angie presents the idea of using value cards, a kinesthetic approach to determine core values. Value cards are simply a deck of playing cards, each with a value. Through the process of elimination your core values will be discovered.

Spirituality, growth, passion, and creativity were all cards which remained as I eliminated the others. What was missing was authenticity. Authenticity is the quality of being genuine or true. For most of my life I wasn’t playing with a full deck and not truly rooted in my core values. It is important to identify the core values to live out your best life.

Core Values Aligning With Our Actions

Past Values

After a review of the cards, I identified ten values that resonate with my life prior to recovery. Fairness, family, freedom, friendship, fun, home, independence, sensuality, power, and wealth each reflect the way I chose to live my life. Not all of these values are bad, but working in conjunction to one another while lacking healthy values led me down a dark path.

My alcohol abuse was directly related to my values. The fun of spending time with others who drink as I did; being driven to drink by the unfairness of our society; placing everyone else’s needs before my own; using my sensuality to be seen; and maintaining wealth and power over others are actions that align with the values.

Current Values

After reviewing the ten values I found a few still resonate with my new life in recovery. Sensuality is a value that doesn’t serve me and I am struggling to let go. Parts of my identity are still rooted in the insecurities from my youth. This is an ongoing struggle and a value that I desire to put to rest.

Other values, like family and friendship are important. They will only prosper if I prioritize my spirituality and growth. Power, wealth, freedom and independence are values that no longer serve me. Wealth adds stability which I enjoy, but in the end I do not have the power-I surrender each day to God.

Aspirational Values

Since I am a work in progress, I constantly aspire to grow. I included growth as a current value to only discover it is a value I still struggle with. When listening to Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us, Living Into Our Values, the idea that when we are not being active listeners, but choose to think about our own words instead of the person we are in communication with we are not choosing to grow. I find myself often eager to talk and not listen.

Our values will change over time to reflect our lives. To aspire is to want to grow, so it is important to have values we can aspire to live by.

Core Values As A Christian

Recovery isn’t just for substance abuse but it’s about acknowledging and doing away with a past that no longer serves you. And there isn’t one way to recover, but to identify what works best for you. Shelby John, Angie Chaplin and Brene Brown all struggled with alcohol abuse. Each woman employs strategies that work well for them. I have found a faith-based program that works best for me.

Through working the steps in AA and currently in Celebrate Recovery I am identifying the values that I strive to live out. The fruits of the spirit are the result of asking Jesus to work in my life. It is about severing the values that no longer serve my life and incorporating the Christian values each day.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

Galatians 5:22-23 NLT