Have you had the conversation?
My husband and I have.
What will each of us do, when one of us dies?
The truth hurts because life will go on without you and most likely in the arms of another.
Life goes on in heaven and earth.
Life continues to happen even after we depart this earth and there is essential planning which needs done for married couples. My recommendation is to do it when each is healthy. It is important to make your wishes known and it is up to the other to decide how they wish to carry them out. A life partnership ends the day one of us departs the earth, one travels up to heaven and the other needs to learn to exist without their spouse.
Less than eleven months ago, my in-laws were confronted with this truth. I am unaware if they had the talk prior, but they did have the talk. I can’t imagine how painful it must have been for my mother-in-law to know her husband of fifty-seven years would be living life without her and possibly with another woman.
Hopefully my mother-in-law made peace with this truth.
The grow-together.blog is a weekly blog publication which scratches the surface of my struggles with life and sobriety. It is meant for introspection and to question your own daily struggles. Truth Hurts takes a deeper look, sharing my daily struggles in a less formal, more intimate approach,. I will supplement the grow-together post with Truth Hurts digging deeper to spur on healthy growth.
Life goes on and we each get to decide how we want to live out our lives.
Companionship is vital in life. Nobody wants to do life alone, especially if you spent the majority of your life in a relationship. My husband and I both decided we would each most likely find companionship if left alone. I have a feeling it wouldn’t take my husband long, because I think men are more needy. In general I think men move into new relationships quicker later in life. Regardless, I too don’t want to do life alone.
My father-in-law has our blessing to remarry.
Grieving for the loss of material items.
We need to learn to respect the wishes of the widow or widower, because it is their life. The struggle my husband and I first faced with my father-in-law was not the companionship, but the marriage. That is where selfishness and greed enters the picture. A new union means a new arrangement in wealth distribution. This is a first world problem and if not addressed properly can destroy families.
I had to allow my husband time to grieve with the idea that his family legacy will be altered. We processed the emotions which lead to the greed and my husband decided if his father’s new bride makes him happy, that would lead to good health. Health and happiness is what we want for his father.
We have no entitlement to our father-in-law’s estate, but my husband is entitled to his feelings.
Grieving for more time.
We will be attending the wedding to celebrate the marriage to his new bride. But that is our choice. We have grieved with my father-in-law for the five months leading to my mother-in-laws death. We watched as she processed each stage and her husband was her constant companion. I have never felt so much emotion than I did during that time.
Our daughters are still struggling and the marriage is difficult for them. Not that they don’t want to see their Pop-pop happy, but they are still grieving their Grammy. While my husband and I were able to fully grieve, our daughters still are processing their emotions. They spent a holiday and made special trips to visit, but in the end I think my mother-in-law didn’t want them to see her as a dying woman, but the strong grandmother she was. My daughters did not receive the closure that we did.
There grandmother’s death is still fresh for them. They need to find a healthy way to grieve and learn to move on. They crave time alone with their Pop-pop. This is where greed creeps in for them. They want their Pop-pop’s time and he doesn’t have to share alone time with them. My daughters may not be ready for the wedding, but are choosing to spend time with their Pop-pop and his bride prior to the wedding.
My daughters are not entitled to their Pop-pops time, but are entitled to their feelings.
Life goes on and we all grieve differently.
We are all handling this life transition differently because we all grieve differently. We are all entitled to our feelings and that’s the extent of it. With all of these emotions (happiness, sadness, uncertainty) alive within us it leads no room for wrath.
One response to “Truth Hurts, Life Goes On Without You”
[…] Our family is going through some exciting, but challenging times at the moment. And somehow greed has crept its way into what is meant to be a celebration. My father-in-law, a widower for six months, will be remarrying. This news is hard to digest for my husband. Not only is his mother being replaced, but his inheritance is threatened. […]