Envy, don’t you see my pain?

Hasn’t Envy considered Pride and her feelings? Pride has been through enough and she is wearing a mask to cover her insecurities. What Envy needs to ponder is the price Pride pays. And what Pride needs to consider is Envy is hurting too.

We have two broken spiritually sick women.

Over the years I have been envious of the beautiful girls. Not just beautiful on the surface, but their beautiful lives. Everything they do appears effortless. As if life just works out for them. The girl with the natural gift as an athlete, she thrives in school, and all the other girls want to be her friend.

How could you not be jealous of her?

What is important to know is our jealousy is hurting her. The French saying, “One must suffer to be beautiful,” is true for this girl. The expectations others put on this girl add to her suffering. We can equate what women do to maintain their outward appearance over the years is equally as damaging as what these girls do to their insides.

Have you considered why one girl is jealous of another? Her jealousy is a product of her insecurities. Our past and present experiences shape us. And, if we do not have a strong foundation our insecurities will root firmly between the cracks. Envy needs to resolve her past so she can be content with her present.

Healing is what Envy needs.

Through recovery I have learned it’s not about change, but embracing myself and every beautiful flaw.

Karen Esbenshade

Prior to my recovery I thought I was content. My material needs were met and my family was thriving. But, there was a restlessness inside of me and the only way I knew how to cope was to bury my pain. Pride showed up through my discontentment and I felt envy from a couple others. I became resentful of their behavior. Each day turned into a struggle and alcohol was used to cope. Through recovery I have learned it’s not about change, but embracing myself and every beautiful flaw.

Presently, I feel truly content in my everyday activity. My sobriety, my marriage and well-being are at a healthy place. The place I feel discontentment is sharing my words. Writing for me is healing and when I complete a blog I feel satisfaction. But then I find myself being envious of others and that is where my discontentment shows up.

This feeling of discontentment and envy is creating insecurities within my work. I need to work harder at celebrating other writers or friends who also share to their social media, not compare my post to theirs. When a fellow writer publishes a book I need to be happy not envious of their accomplishments.

There is a rare quality I have noticed in very few women over the years. Have you met that woman who exudes peace in all circumstances? Not once has she appeared rattled, but graceful to the core. She is kind, never a harsh word is uttered from her mouth. And yet, other women don’t seem envious of her. They all want to be her friend.

She is the woman who is spiritually content. Just because one attends church, reads the Bible or blogs about there spiritual journey it doesn’t offer them the same quality. Spiritual contentment is a practice and takes intention. She is a standard to work towards.

I am a work in progress, with much more healing, which means much more blogging for you!

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16 NIV

2 responses to “Envy, don’t you see my pain?”

  1. Crazy how you revealed the struggle between envy and pride. I’ve often had envious people in my life and it would drive me BATTY. But what I failed to realize was how prideful I was and how their behavior did stem from their past pain. Crazy how Satan uses our insecurities to basically decimate each other!

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