Holistic aging is a comprehensive way of approaching the aging process and the S for Surrender offers peace by removing what is weighing me down.
And it’s not easy.
Surrendering Myself
At the onset of my recovery for alcoholism the first thing I was told is I need to surrender my addiction to alcohol. So I asked God to remove my obsession with alcohol and just like that presto my cravings for alcohol evaporated! But then I was forced to face myself and surrender everything about myself which contributed for my need to take that one drink.
Surrendering myself is going to be my challenge.
To maintain control of my life I have to fully surrender my control to God. This will need to be done in all areas of my life and on a daily basis. Based on how easy it is for me to not be a slave to alcohol, I had no idea how difficult recovery really is and will be. The reach control has over my life will be my biggest opponent towards my ongoing recovery.
Surrendering isn’t my problem, but control is.
I have a sickness and it’s called Control.
Control creeps into every aspect of my life, manifesting into every fiber of my being. It is constantly rearing it’s ugly head. The reason surrendering alcohol is easy for me is because at one time I allowed alcohol to control me and I am a woman who likes to maintain complete control! What I soon discovered is that control is my real problem. It was my need for control which is what drove me to drink.
Control is a double edged sword. When I let go, surrendering all control, I am left with full control.
As a control freak the hardest thing I have to do is to surrender myself, as if it is that easy. Like I am the problem! My real problem is you. I want complete control over YOU!
Surrendering My Passion
When I started my blogging journey, sharing to my social media groups it didn’t go over as I had planned. What I realize is it isn’t my plans but God’s plans. By surrendering my passion I am able to reach my full potential and in God’s timing I will succeed.
This attitude helps me to preserver. I can enjoy my journey and not feel the pressure to grow my platform, but know on His time I will eventually get there.
Surrendering My Family
Surrendering is a lot easier when not living with that constant reminder. My younger daughter and I recently discussed the people in our lives who try to dominate others by control. She claims she has never felt I tried to control her. Whereas, the next day having a discussion with my husband he shared with me, he felt as if I am trying to control him.
Control comes in different forms and sometimes can appear more evident. Manipulation is a form of control and in the past I despised anyone who openly manipulates others. I have been mindful of this behavior. A master manipulator’s actions might go under the radar and I believe I exhibit this ugly trait which stem from my need to control.
We can use our body language, even as simple with a look we are able to manipulate others. When those in early recovery are vulnerable it doesn’t take much to manipulate.
My Daughters
As a mother I naturally am inclined to want to control. Having children is a big responsibility and to raise healthy children we need to establish a semblance of control. At some point children grow into their autonomous selves, not needing to rely on the parents. At that point we need to relinquish control, sit back and watch as they blossom into the child Christ calls each of them to be.
My Husband
Much like alcohol, I can easily relinquish control of my daughters to God, but I have been struggling with my husband. My husband and I have an unique relationship. While we do life together, at times if feels as if we are doing it side by side. And in recovery our journeys may look different. I can’t expect him to follow my journey because he has his own journey. And he might even deviate from my planned journey and that is OK.
The truth is I have questioned if our marriage will survive my recovery. To maintain a healthy relationship with my husband I need to surrender our marriage to God. Which means I need to accept him as he is, even if he chooses not to change. Even more daunting I have to change myself to allow him to live out his life. This is very difficult for me.
Truth Hurts
The grow-together.blog is a weekly blog publication which scratches the surface of my struggles with life and sobriety. It is meant for introspection and to question your own daily struggles. Truth Hurts takes a deeper look, sharing my daily struggles in a less formal, more intimate approach,. I will supplement the grow-together post with Truth Hurts digging deeper to spur on healthy growth.
In Relinquishing Control to Others: 5 Ways It Serves You, Dina Strada shares, I realized that by just “holding space” for people, which, according to Heather Plett, means “being willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them or trying to impact the outcome,” I was able to be of better service to them, and in turn allow them to follow their own path. This article helps me to understand the importance of surrendering control in my life.
Surrendering To God
The truth is everything is out of our control. When I surrender to God I am humbling myself to His will. Humbling myself under God’s mighty hand, allowing God to work in my life. This releases me from the burdens of self I carry.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
James 4:10 ESV
2 responses to “Surrender is the S in holiStic aging”
“My real problem is you. I want complete control over YOU!”
Yes! But I don’t control my husband. For me, it’s my daughter. I have to be aware of not being the crazy mom of an only child. Because the pull is real!
Thank you, as always, for your transparency, Karen. God is certainly working through you, friend. Keep going!!
I’m thinking since your daughter is a teen that makes sense. My girls are adults so besides my dog I only have my hubs! Thank you! Almost a year so why bother now!