As we journey through life, we are called to audition for many different roles. Each phase we are surrounded by a different cast of characters. During the casting call, we are called to play the character others expect us to be. My favorite role of my past was the party girl.
Playing the Party Girl
The party girl is expected to drink the alcohol and entertain her friends. Over the years I tried hard to play the part, most times I succeeded and other times I failed. In my early years I played in hope to fit in and in my middle years I played to please others or simply please myself.
Today, however, I am playing for an audience of one, God. When I play my part to please God I learned I can still be the party girl and simply omit the excess alcohol. It is not the alcohol induced party girl my friends have fun with, but the girl who likes to have a good time simply being present.
The last couple years during my time of ongoing recovery I have learned from others how to be present and the woman who I am to show up as.
The Mom, Playing the Character
As a mother (or father) how do you show up?
While my daughters were growing up I conditioned myself to react quickly without pausing to digest my thoughts. This habit did not allow for very productive conversations. As a mother I thought it was my role to lecture and impart my wisdom.
A wise woman doesn’t react but uses restraint. I had to start listening, attempting to understand and then when appropriate voice my concerns. I need to be present in their time of need.
The Wife, Playing the Character
As a wife (or husband) how do you show up?
When my husband and I would have disagreements with parenting or daily life issues at times I would remain stubborn, not always open to his suggestions. This approach put up roadblocks for effective parenting. As a wife I thought it was my role to control how he chose to deal with life.
In a healthy relationship we don’t try to control others, but we do have control on how we show up. Even if I do not agree with my husband, it is up to me to make an attempt to understand his position. I need to be his silent supporter, even if I disagree.
The Family Member, Playing the Character
As a daughter (or son, sister, brother) how do you show up?
Throughout the years of parenting I looked towards how my daughter’s turned out to create my ideal for others and their parenting. Condescending and arrogant behavior is ugly and paints an unattractive picture to those who brag over their own children’s accomplishments. As a sister I thought it was my role to make my parenting a standard.
It’s not my place to judge others for their parenting styles especially when I have room for improvement. As parents we all have individual parenting challenges with no set guidelines. The focus should remain on our own parenting. Even if I would handle a situation differently, how others parent is none of my business. Instead I need to learn to offer a sympathetic ear and understand that each parent and child have a unique relationship.
The Friend, Playing the Character
As a friend how do you show up?
In the past my curiosity would have been easily piqued if a friend chose to gossip about another friend, being easily swayed to choose a side and talk behind my friend’s back. Although I have been fortunate to not have much drama within my girlfriend circle and our couple friends, I would have distanced myself from a friend who had created the drama. As a friend I thought it was my role to teach a lesson on friendship.
This would isolate a friend when what they needed was a friend to stand by them and offer support. What my friends have demonstrated to me is what it is to be truly unconditional. Many of my past friendships have resurfaced and today are much stronger.
The Woman In Recovery, Playing the Character
If you are able to help another woman (or man) in need how would you show up?
During the years prior to recovery I didn’t even know what recovery was. Recovery isn’t just about alcohol or other addictions but the behaviors behind the addiction. I was either stuck in my past or anticipating my future. Never did I embrace the moment.
Today being involved with other women (and men) who are choosing to deal with their life struggles I can be present. My focus can be on someone else, not me. Spending time with others in recovery is a reminder of the type of woman I want to be, not the woman I was.
The Child of God, Playing the Character
As a child of God how have you been showing up?
Most of my life I did not have a relationship with Christ. Even though I attended church and an occasional bible study, I put myself, family and lifestyle first. I did not see Christ as a father figure. The role I chose to play, the party girl, reflected this lifestyle.
Christ should be front and center of all of my relationships. I have learned what it is to be faithful and to trust in God for his plan for my life. Through being faithful my life has been fruitful. I now live a fulfilling life.
Here is the clear difference between God’s children and the Devil’s children: those who do not do what is right or do not love others are not God’s children.1 John 3:10 GNT
What is it to be a Child of God… https://www.gotquestions.org/be-a-child-of-God.html
To read more about identity… An Identity In Crisis https://grow-together.blog/2022/10/18/lets-grow-together-an-identity-in-crisis/