A mother’s love alone can’t provide the foundation for a successful life, but her love can offer comfort to ease our daily struggles. Her love can soften the blows in our life by offering the grace when mistakes are made.
The first time I felt love, it was like a kick in the gut, a reminder… “Hey, it’s me in here.” Or maybe it was that flutter of activity, like butterfly kisses on the inside. Now that is the kind of love you would lay down your life for but not my first love.
Daughter, do you remember the feeling of love the time he put his arms around us and embraced both of us? Your father’s hands on my hard stomach, like he had his whole world in his hands. The night we created you was the most magical love. Our love that night was the romantic kind of love, like meeting that one true love. But there is a greater kind of love.
The Creator
The first time I felt true love was from my Creator. He made me. At birth I was this perfect human being, and He set me out in this world with His plan. My life is masterfully planned by Him, including disappointment and heartbreak. Lows from the pit of despair followed by the highest of highs. This is unconditional love we only receive from our Creator.
Creation #1
She was born with white hair and a red face, angelic with the lungs of a roaring lion. Her ear-piercing scream was tenacious, screaming for six months straight. Wearing out her vocal cords to only discover them later in her teenage years, to weaponize them against her mother. Eventually, her mother learned her daughter’s voice, and persistence would serve her well. Gifts that would contribute to her success as a strong business woman. Her mother would crave that voice when her daughter moved on to become the woman God created her to be.
Creation #2
At birth, her inner peace radiated and her smile brightened the lives of others; with those exceptions, she was the clone of her mother. As her individual personality blossomed, she proved to be the girl her mother always wished she could have been. Determined, fierce, compassionate, all qualities her mother lacked. Qualities that will serve others. Giving her the purpose that God had intended for her.
We, my husband and I, made two individuals, custom, made-to-order human beings. Both beautiful examples of God’s handiwork.
“For you made the parts inside of me. You put me together inside my mother. I will give thanks to You, for the greatness of the way brings fear. Your works are great and my soul knows it very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret and put together with care in the deep part of the earth. Your eyes saw me before I was put together. And all the days of my life were written in Your book before any of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:13–16 NLV
And, then we did our best to self-destruct.
Lessons From Mom, Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery
Copyright © 2025 by Karen Esbenshade
The Foundation
My mother would say, “It’s not a mother’s love that provides the foundation for her children, but the Father’s.” She offered this not by making the statement but by sharing her faith and introducing me to Jesus.
My mother and father provided everything I needed as a child. But neither could really prepare me for life. The comfort and security from our family home, an education to pave my way for a career, and a meager inheritance only would take me so far.
What my life was missing was a rigid foundation based on God’s Word. My parents are not to blame for that because as an adult I could have chosen to build a relationship with my creator. For fifty years my foundation was weak and it took full self-destruction to rebuild.
The Ingredients of a Firm Foundation
There is only one ingredient that goes into making a firm foundation and that is maintaining a steadfast faith. My faith waivered over the years. What saved me was the seed that my mother planted in my infancy.
A Mother’s Love
It is through my mother’s Father that I learned what love is. And it wasn’t my Pop-Pop. When I became a mother to my daughters I first felt love, but it wasn’t until I turned fifty did I fully understand God’s love.
Today I have that love to offer to my daughters. It’s so much more powerful than a parent’s love. And it’s what provides a rigid foundation to handle the many stresses we encounter in life.
God’s Love Is…
A foundation built on God’s love provides the unconditional support needed to not crumble under the constant struggles in life. God’s love is…
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV
My mother was a Christian woman. Her actions did not always represent her beliefs but having a Christian upbringing is what saved me. It was her patience that I appreciate most.
Patience
The first attribute of God’s love is patience. Like my mother, our heavenly Father is patient. We are given trials through out life and self-will to make choices. When we are faithful God eventually shows up.
But it doesn’t always happen on our timing. Life is filled with a multitude of struggles. As human’s we tend to be hard headed. It’s easy to fall short.
Kind
The second attribute of God’s love is kindness. A kind heart is generous and not harsh. God is willing to forgive and is merciful. As children we require the same from our mothers.
But we live in a world that is unforgiving. It is through God’s kindness that leads us to repentance for our sins. We are invited to have a relationship with Him.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16 NIV
Love is also Sacrificial
God sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for our sins. It’s a natural instinct as a parent to protect their child. Mothers reflect this in their own behavior when motivated to make sacrifices for their children.
But as humans sacrificial love can be bad when it is done from an unhealthy heart. Fortunately God’s love offers us grace for our misdeeds, when we neglect our own needs, and act out of resentment.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
Psalms 145:8 NIV
Love is Gracious
As children of God we require lots of grace. When we live in a culture that espouses Christian values, it’s easy to fall short. Through out our lives we are surrounded by temptations. It’s easy as humans to lose our footing and for our foundations to crumble over time.
But by the grace of God we are give multiple chances. It is up to each of us to not forsaken that gift that God extends to us.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved.
Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV
Love is Merciful
Mercy – I woke Up, Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery
Copyright © 2025 by Karen Esbenshade
Merciful is an adjective to describe someone who has compassion for other people, especially when he is in the position to punish them or treat them harshly. While we are sinners, God provided us with mercy, sending an example on how we should forgive others as an alternative to harshly condemning their actions. Offering mercy is an unconditional act. My response could have been to condemn the others for their sin, holding on to the anger from their actions. Two acts which would not contribute to my much-needed peace. The judge who ruled over my court hearing granted mercy when he offered me leniency for my first-time offense.
But we all fall short, and like God, we can offer kindness and compassion when others sin. This is precisely what I decided to do during my time of healing. As a Christian mother we are to extend God’s love not just to our children, but others. And it’s important to start with ourselves. It is through our actions that we demonstrate God’s grace.
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God’s Love Doesn’t
Envy
God’s love does not focus on personal desires. It is not eager to increase possessions. God’s type of love is selfless, not selfish. A mother’s love can be susceptible to human emotions, like envy.
But when a mother’s human behaviors are challenged she can turn to God for strength. I continually need to do this because envy is always presenting itself.
Boast
Love that is not boastful is humble. To remain humble the focus is placed on the child, not self-serving. It does not brag about its accomplishments or abilities, instead takes delight in their children. Bragging is a human behavior that results from being proud.
But I find myself struggling with this behavior at times. My pride is quick to rear it’s ugly head.
God’s Love Isn’t
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before the fall.
Proverbs 16:18 NIV
Proud
William Penn, the founder of the Colony of Pennsylvania, wrote, “A proud man then is a kind of glutton upon himself; for he is never satisfied with loving and admiring himself; whilst nothing else, with him, is worthy either of love or care” (from No Cross, No Crown, chapter XII). This is exactly why love and pride are anathema to each other. In pride we become the objects of our own love; in humility we learn to love others. A person with godly love is not concerned with benefiting himself. The only thing love sees is the need.
But in the end it is my pride that brought me down.
Saved By A Mother’s Love
My mother didn’t just give birth to me but planted that seed of faith at a young age. It just took fifty years to sprout and I was reborn. And by the grace of God I have been saved.
Mom I love you and am grateful for the life you provided for me. May you rest in heavenly eternal peace.
My mother’s obituary, written by David de Camara.
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