Hollywood’s depiction of Recovery is of the alcoholic. Usually a glum lot, people who have lost the battle to their addiction. Which leaves us questioning, “Who are those people that go to recovery meetings and do they all struggle to remain sober? And is sobriety really their problem?”

Maybe they’re a group of people who are just looking for change.

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On center stage this evening we have a woman, claiming she was once a comedian. To me she appears serious, not who you would expect to share her testimony at a recovery meeting. She shares that in her childhood she played the role of the funny, overweight child who just wanted to fit in.

I wait for her punchline… the reason why she is in recovery… She still carries that weight of her childhood, the pain has built up over the years and has manifested in anger. She is like me, one of those people. A woman searching for peace in a broken world.

But her story is no laughing matter. The woman is my age, in her mid-fifties, and has carried her deep seeded wounds into her adulthood. And when she shared with others her plans to attend Celebrate Recovery they said, “You mean with those people?”

My recollection of another woman’s testimony.

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Who are those people?

Recovery isn’t about a substance but the person. For many, they are people who have no interest in alcohol but are consumed with unresolved hurts, hang-ups, and habits.

The Ones Struggling To Make Ends Meet

Before the meeting began I sat with another woman, slightly older than myself. We conversed about affordable housing. The area we live doesn’t offer much for seniors on fixed incomes. It’s a real struggle to get by in life, especially without the funds to meet our basic needs.

Unlike my friend, I live comfortably and have two houses. How can I relate? Home ownership alone provides additional stresses in life and coping is needed.

For me, I’d rather prepare myself for the unexpected and that is why I remain in recovery. We are all one step away from being homeless.

The Ones Struggling With Insecurities

After the testimony in small group, a couple women chatted about creating a group of women who are struggling with their weight. The impact of being overweight as a child alone is what led my friend who shared her testimony into recovery. And it remains a battle for many.

Unlike my friends, I wear a size 2, have a muscular frame from being diligent with my workout and good genes. How can I relate? It was my insecurities from my youth that brought me to the same point in life. Being slender can make a girl feel less of a woman and that stigma can follow them throughout life.

For me, I’m grateful for the beautiful body God has given me. For most of my life I didn’t treat my body with respect. In recovery I am learning to love myself.

The Ones Who Are Lost

As we start to share a woman announces, “I don’t know why I’m here?” She is lost for words but her emotions come pouring out. Oftentimes a therapist refers their patient to a recovery group. It’s take a few visits before they start to feel at home.

Unlike my friend, I didn’t choose to get arrested but I did choose recovery. I started in Alcoholic’s Anonymous but overtime I did not feel at home among the alcoholics. How can I relate? I discovered Celebrate Recovery.

For me, I found a place that feels like home. Women who are very different than I am, each open about their daily struggles. We encourage each other.

The Ones Who Attend For A Loved One

Then you have those who say, “I first came to support my husband (or child) for his addiction, but I remain for myself.” Because the woman who lives with the addict needs all the support she can get.

Unlike my friends, I joined recovery groups for myself. How can I relate? Recovery is what saved my marriage and I can encourage others to hang in there and support their loved one.

For me, I know that I can’t change my husband. I can only change how I show up. My husband claims I am the glue that keeps our family intact.

The Ones Struggling With Broken Relationships

These are the women I really feel for. Life is about relationships. We are not meant to do life alone. For many of my friends their relationships didn’t survive recovery.

Unlike my friends, five years ago my relationships with my husband and daughters were fractured, but we survived and recovery has strengthened each relationship. How can I relate? I know that healed relationships is a benefit from recovery. I can offer hope to those whose relationships are hanging on by a thread.

For me, I have experienced healing in recovery not just personal but with my loved ones. Today our family is stronger because of my recovery.

Who are those people who look down on recovery?

Our culture views anyone who seeks help as weak. And for those who have problems with addiction they are viewed as sick. However, there is a sector of society that is very ill and in desperate need of recovery. I am here for each of them..

They Are the Proud

They are the people who are too prideful to realize that they too need recovery. Not everyone who refers to the people in recovery as those people are bad, simply ignorant. It’s easier to ignore that they too have problems.

Like my friends, my pride kept me from seeking help. How am I different? I just happened to get arrested, life happened and motivated the need for change.

For me, I had to learn the hard way. I easily dealt with my problem with alcohol, choosing to abstain, but what remained was my defects of character.

My pride took center stage.

They Are In Denial

Hollywood glamourizes drug and alcohol use. Everyday people drink or drug just to have a reprieve from life. These substances are addictive and overtime people don’t see the impact of the repetitive use. And they don’t understand that alcohol is only a symptom of something far greater.

Like my friends, I consumed alcohol for over thirty years, for recreational use and coping. How am I different? I took an eighteen month sabbatical from alcohol use to introspect my own life. I found an alternative lifestyle that replaces my need to drink for coping and lost interest in binge drinking.

For me, I discovered that alcohol was the least of my problems. It was time to take on my past to discover why I drank.

They Think They Are Better

Our pride tells us we are better than the person in recovery. The ego can’t show signs of weakness. We can’t be viewed by others as less than.

Like my friends, I have never sought mental health counseling. After all, it’s not as if I were sick. How am I different? In recovery I am learning that I am no different than the others. Our problems might manifest differently, but the roots remain the same.

For me, I see vulnerability as a strength. When we open up about our struggles we see we are not alone. In recovery we are all the same.

They Are My Friends

We live in a sick society, one that perpetuates unhealthy behaviors. It’s natural to judge people who are different than us. I didn’t fit the profile of the drunk but alcohol isn’t the reason I’m in recovery.

Like my friends who judge those in recovery, I don’t understand each person in recovery. At times I still question why I attend the meetings. Like my friends in recovery, I can relate to their stories and understand why they are interested in positive change. I am no different than both groups of friends.

For me, I choose to remain friends with both groups of people. I know that pride is what keeps us from recovering and spending time with others in their struggles is humbling.

They Are the Ones Who Are Humbled

Everyday we face struggles and it takes courage to ask for help. We live in a society that views people who seek help as weak. It takes courage to accept our limitations, choosing to set aside our pride and ego. The answer is submitting to God and His Will.

Like them, I was quick to judge the person in recovery as a weak individual, especially the Christian. Unlike them, I didn’t have the courage to surrender my self-will to God.

For me, I could no longer survive on my own self-will. I failed myself for the last time and needed to surrender.

Alcoholic Or Nonalcoholic We Are All the Same

The other evening I attended a different recovery meeting. A friend was celebrating 19 years in recovery. She and another gentleman were each giving a testimony. They both claimed to be alcoholics, which I no longer relate but I didn’t judge them. This was my take away.

Unlike my friend, I am still trying to prove myself, that I have something to do with the success of my recovery. How is my friend different, she stated, “I have nothing to do with maintaining 19 years in recovery but that it’s all God.”

For me, I am only four-half years in. Recovery is ongoing and part of a lifestyle. It’s a journey of continued growth.

Like the gentleman, he claimed it is his pride that keeps him coming back to recovery after relapsing, not alcohol use. How is he different, he remains in Alcoholics Anonymous while I choose Celebrate Recovery.

For me, I understand that there is no set way to recover. We are all on our own journey.

Full Circle

In life we have a role to play and it usually isn’t the drunk. That is when pride presents itself. We wear a mask and act as if life is just fine. Within the rooms of recovery we can remove the mask.

It’s not the meetings but the people who attend. I stopped going to AA meetings because I drink alcohol. My focus is codependency and my pride. But the messages I heard during the AA meeting strongly resonated with me,

It’s those people, not because of their drinking and drugging, not because they are lazy, not because they are weak, not because they are lost. But because we all struggle everyday and we each want positive change.

We are strong, courageous, and free.