Saying goodbye to a friend is so final, as if we may never see them again. Because face it, we just might not. Maybe it’s best to make it a practice to send our friend on their way with positive thoughts and not ill will. Otherwise, what good comes out of saying bye when there is such uncertainty and friction?

The Goodbye vs. The Badbye

A Goodbye

I look to the right, as the words barrel out and prepare myself for the crash landing. Bam… Just like that she lost control of her thoughts. Her parting words accidently careened out of her mouth, leaving us speechless.

Well… None of us saw that one coming. Her and I barely got past the "hello." Clearly, the woman is happy to see me go. 

Who’s up next? I scan the crowd and one by one their eyes avert me. There is no way of getting around it. Two chairs, centered in the crowd, one weighted down by my anticipation and the others reluctant for closure.

He takes his seat, breathing in his hesitation. The first word falls out, gets tripped up on meaningless babble. The awkwardness on full display by a man who hasn't even had the chance to get to know me.

I should have never signed up for this. A simple goodbye would do.

How well do I really know these strangers? We spent thirty days together in recovery and here I sit with each taking a turn to part their final words of wisdom. Sending me on my way, in hopes to leave me with a lasting impression.

Now look who’s up… She just can’t keep her mouth shut. Each word needing to be heard but with nothing to say. She has quite the mouthful. I brush off each word, as she spits them out.

Each word is like a call for help with not one person healthy enough to save her. Each of us are consumed with our own problems, because we are selfish alcoholics.

Today I understand, she is just a young woman that needs to be heard. Healing takes others who will listen, silencing their own thoughts to help their friend digest what they are trying to say. Her heart simply aches to be acknowledged.

He slides right into the seat, smooth as honey. Each thoughtful gesture warms me up and I start to melt into his words. The leader attempts to undo what he has said but it’s too late. How can one self-absorbed man know me better than I know myself?

His parting words have left a lasting impression. His goodbye expressed that my time was up and it was time for my work to begin.

Spending a thirty-day period in recovery with a group of strangers was bound to come to an end. My time away was for a reset and to prepare me to re-enter my community with the tools I need to succeed. The good in the bye is that I established a firm foundation to build my recovery upon.

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A Badbye

Parting ways on bad terms.

Is it best to even say goodbye if not leaving on good terms? It’s a good practice to not say anything at all if you don’t have something good to say.

Better yet, maybe it’s best to work out the problems before parting ways. Otherwise, the problem is likely to fester, growing resentments and bitterness. In recovery we learn to resolve conflict. However, some problems take time. There is no overnight solution. Internal work needs accomplished to be at a healthy place to even speak to the estranged friend.

When my husband and I moved away it was not out of spite, but to give us space for a reset. We left in a haste and not necessarily on the best terms. I made every effort to reach out and to let our friends know that it wasn’t a goodbye. My intent was not to cut ties, but to maintain friendships.

Not even saying bye.

Sometimes we leave without even recognizing the departure. This can leave people feeling hurt. As if their friendship never meant anything to the other person. And that isn’t always the case.

Usually it’s because we have internal conflict and not our intention to hurt the other person. We need to be at a healthy place to be able to communicate the farewell. After healing, an amends can be made to mend the broken relationship.

Parting Ways: This isn’t my goodbye shares how my goodbye is simply a new beginning.

The Origin of Goodbye

The roots of sending a farewell are grounded in Christianity. The Tabernacle Choir explains the origin. In 1573 an English writer and scholar, Gabriel Harvey, penned a letter that read, “To requite your gallounde (gallon) of godbwyes, I regive you a pottle of howdyes.”

The language of the letter means little to us today, so let’s break it down to make sense of what he is trying to say. Godbwyes is a contraction of the phrase “God be with ye.” Like many other cultural changes, God is removed from the farewell and substituted with good.

“God is the good in the goodbye.”

Karen Esbenshade

God is the good in the goodbye. When we send a friend off with blessings, it’s on a positive note, wanting the best for them. Now that we found the good in the bye it’s best to avoid the badbye which expresses ill will.

‘May the LORD bless you and protect you. May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you. May the LORD show you his favor and give you peace.’

Numbers 6:24-26 NLT