Looking straight ahead, I watch as my youngest daughter soars into the sky. Relinquishing control, I have no choice but to watch her as she descends into the great unknown. As the years progressed and my daughters turned into young women I started to fear for their future. That fear turned into something much worse, an excuse to turn to alcohol to ease my anxieties. I chose to numb myself, and continue living in fear as life was passing me by.
Surrendering My Fears
Our family traveled to Costa Rica for an adventure-filled vacation. The agenda was action packed and included zip lining, white water rafting and horseback riding. Each activity allowed me to confront my fears. Just a few years ago, I allowed fear to control me. Today, I know that when I surrender my need for control there is no need to fear. Surrendering my fears allows me to enjoy living.
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Life Is Meant To Be Lived
Zip Lining
In preparation for my turn I am harnessed in, my anxieties strapped closely to my body and clamped to a thin cable. My eyes fixate on the end point, far in the distance. I question myself, “How am I to get from here to there, over 2,460 feet in length and 656 feet in height (slightly less than two football fields) all on a thin cable?” My life will literally be hanging on a thread and my only focus flying over 40 miles per hour to get me where I need to be. The other side.
Life is meant to be lived and that is what we did on our family vacation to Costa Rica!
Karen Esbenshade
My fears kick in to high gear as I am hoisted up and forced to plummet into the sky between canyons. I do not have the courage to look around and take in the beauty that surrounds me. With this type of mentality, living in fear, prevents me from enjoying the journey. Life is meant to be lived and that is what we did on our family vacation to Costa Rica!
When we choose to really live life, we need to live in the moment and not fear the journey that lies ahead. If we focus on our own demise how can we enjoy living? This reality set in for me while zip lining and it wasn’t until the second to last (zip line number 6) that I mustered up the courage to look around and see what I had been missing. Although I wasn’t able to slow the pace, the view of the Arenal Lake is etched in my memory.
Living In Fear Is Debilitating
Eight years ago, was the first time I went on a zip line. It was at a friend’s house, a group of mom’s gathered to celebrate the first day of school. Cocktails and great conversation set the mood. At the conclusion, my day was topped off with an experience I will never forget.
Following one drink the entire day, I made the choice to go on the make-shift backyard zip line. At the time it didn’t sit right with me because of the confusion on how to properly set it up. I put my fear aside and rode the line straight into a tree, crashing into the creek bed. I landed on my lower back before hitting my head on rocks and tree roots.
The accident was the result of a poor choice and to this day my lower back discomfort is a reminder. During this time period of my life I wasn’t being present. I was always looking forward to the next fun activity and allowed the world to steal my peace.
Fear can be the blame for my descent into alcoholism. Not necessarily the fear of zip lining but the fear of living in a world where I have no control. A world that I feared for my daughters and I acted out of that fear. It was debilitating and kept me in bondage. I resorted to alcohol to ease those anxieties.
Living In Fear Or Immersing Myself In Life
This past experience isn’t what created my current fear for my Costa Rican zip line, but a fear of heights kept me from enjoying the view. Watching straight ahead while the beauty of the rain forest passes me by, and meant to be enjoyed. The view of the Arenal volcano and lake can only be appreciated if I conquer my fear of height. Once I did, the trip down the mountain turned from exhilaration to tranquility.
White Water Rafting
Day three, we submerged ourselves in liquid. My family and one guide ventured along the Balsa River. The guide quickly surveyed us and determined we would get his full experience. The last time we rafted as a family our youngest was a child and had a horrific experience. It was time for her to face her fears.
Rafting as part of a group takes cooperation and rhythm. Over the years our family did not always work well together. The need to control my daughters as they matured placed a rift in our relationships. I need to learn to surrender control, encouraging my daughters to be strong and independent.
My husband’s intention was to place himself and our eldest at the bow to control the raft. The guide instructed both daughters to take charge. They were to work as a team and my husband and I were to follow. We had no choice but to relinquish our control. Living in fear wasn’t an option because we immersed ourselves in the rapids, which propelled us down the river.
Living In Fear Or Building A Rapport
Horseback Riding
Guided horseback riding through the jungle isn’t meant to be fearful. But when sitting high above the ground on a creature that doesn’t want to fully relinquish control it can be frightening. It is important to build a strong rapport with the horse and demonstrate confidence.
In the past I created much of my own distress because my insecurities kept me from maintaining control over my choices. I would act out of the fear and the result destruction. My habit is to panic and worry, not build a relationship and place my trust in God.
There is no need to live in fear.
My very first blog post, Overcoming Our Fears, stresses how fear wreaks havoc in my life. Each day I build a rapport with God, surrendering my daily struggles and fears. I no longer sacrifice my peace out of fear. It is through God where I maintain my strength. The adventure-filled trip to Costa Rica demonstrates that I am capable of living without fear.
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Psalm 46 1:3 NIV
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