The truth is I don’t know if I have a drinking problem.
I spent five days and nights traveling with my husband by motorcycle. In the past when he and I vacationed together we consumed too much alcohol. This time I did drink, but chose to remain sober. The truth which does hurt is I think I am still struggling with alcohol.
This was my first motorcycle trip as a sober woman. The rides we went on prior to my recovery were usually with a large group and the alcohol was a big part of the journey. It had gotten to the point that the alcohol was posing a threat to our marriage, so it was imperative for us to make changes.
The past two years, actually even prior to my stint in rehab we chartered 45 foot catamarans with other friends and the alcohol didn’t play an important role so we remained sober. Depending on whom we were with and the activity, these factors dictated our alcohol use. Even prior to recovery I was able to maintain sobriety (not getting drunk) for a week on the open sea.
The truth is I enjoy having a drink but do not enjoy drinking.
After sixteen months of being alcohol free I slowly added alcohol back in and allowed it into our marriage. I understand my problem and the contributors. And would rather live a balanced lifestyle which includes limited alcohol use.
I enjoy having a glass of wine or a margarita, but do not like the elusive feeling it gives and am very mindful of how it affects me. What I found is that one drink can easily lead to two. Two drinks is what constitutes drinking. On my trip I broke my rule and I am not happy with myself.
Although the drinks were not drunk consecutively I do think it is problematic for me. So now I am forced to look at myself again and reevaluate my choices.
My husband and I successfully slayed the dragon three times, unscathed by our choices. The problem is if you choose to play with fire you can easily get burned!
The grow-together.blog is a weekly blog publication which scratches the surface of my struggles with life and sobriety. It is meant for introspection and to question your own daily struggles. Truth Hurts takes a deeper look, sharing my daily struggles in a less formal, more intimate approach,. I will supplement the grow-together post with Truth Hurts digging deeper to spur on healthy growth.