At first your in. Maybe you fell in or like me it was more of a stumble. Then life happens and your out. But if you wait long enough, eventually, you will fall back in. This is the cycle of persevering through marriage. One moment your in love and the next your not feeling it. You just have to stick around long enough to fall back in love.

Life was going well, until it wasn't.

We have our moments. What couple doesn't?

And then just like that, a flip of a switch, I'm not feeling it.

In the heat of the moment words escaped, not meant to be said.

Throughout marriage the heart expands and contracts.

At times it feels as if it's going to explode.

A once happy heart, now pissed off.

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The Cycle of Persevering in Marriage

To remain in a healthy, happy marriage you can’t expect an even flow but anticipate the ups and downs, with the ins and outs. Expect to have the low points that are followed by the exhilarating highs. And when life is going well, disappointments will follow.

Falling In Love

In the beginning it’s fresh and can take us by surprise. It’s like you don’t even know it’s happening. The next thing you know you’re in love. That feeling of contentment, knowing that you found your soulmate.

A warmth that radiates pure joy. The ease of going through life with that one person who gets you. The person who knows what buttons to push. And the next thing you know because of their actions you have reached your boiling point.

Falling Out of Love

Emotions boil over and the love once felt is replaced by an emptiness. No longer do we feel the warmth but left with a cold, cold heart. How can you expect not to have these feelings? Two individual people doing life together and not always seeing eye to eye but forced to appreciate each others differences.

Couples who wear their passion on their sleeve, vulnerabilities leaving them fully exposed. No one will love you like your spouse. It takes time to digest the feelings and soften the heart enough to welcome them back in.

Falling Back In Love

After the cooling off period, the affection starts to grow and warms our hearts. It might be one glance that brings a smile to your face, one action and laughter ensues, or the sweetest words that melt your heart. You find yourself back in love.

But brace yourself because life continues to happen and he will piss you off once again.

To Persevere in Marriage: All you need is love?

The Beatles have it right with their song All You Need Is Love. Not just any love but a combination of being in love and loving someone. Love conquers all. It provides the foundation to overcome and is the glue that bonds.

Loving Someone

We might not always be feeling the love but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t there. All relationships cycle through the ins and outs of love. And when relationships no longer persevere it doesn’t mean they stop loving the other person.

When a marriage doesn’t survive love, it doesn’t just go away. Love just takes a different shape. It’s more than an emotion but goes deeper. It’s rooted in the heart. Loving someone helps to sustain the cycle and persevere through the rough times.

Being In Love

Love is generally an emotion. While loving someone is an act of compassion being in love is an act of passion. That is why the feelings are so very intense and eventually we find ourselves out of love.

Everyday isn’t rainbows and unicorns. Life trials are used to test the relationship and meant to strengthen relationships. Persevering takes the good with the bad or the bad with the good. And it’s not easy to sustain a relationship.

Persevering Through Marriage: You need more than love.

Love will only take a relationship so far. The cycle of persevering through love can get real old when one or both partners repeat unhealthy patterns. There is only so much a heart can take before it breaks. Persevering through marriage needs intention and takes work.

It Takes Commitment

Doing life with someone else isn’t easy. The idea of committing yourself to a lifetime of love is daunting. Love should grow and mature during the years of marriage, but we as people also are capable of change (for the good and bad). Change alters commitment.

My husband and I signed up for the open-bar marriage and then I decided moderation is key. No longer do I see alcohol consumption as a recreational sport, where he at times wants to let loose. Change happened in our marriage and it is our mutual love that sustains our marriage. It’s working because we remain committed, but we definitely have our moments.

It Takes Two

There are times in marriage where someone’s actions will cause heartache. People are flawed and are capable of sin. But just how much sin is acceptable in a relationship. How does one forgive the sinner when they keep sinning?

A marriage dissolves when one doesn’t want to be married. It could be for a magnitude of reasons and sometimes we just have had enough. It takes both partners to maintain a marriage.

It Takes A Desire

Once one person gives up on a marriage the marriage is over. When one partner isn’t feeling the love the relationship suffers. Marriage is work and today most marriages are disposable. Approximately 50% of marriages end in separation and/or divorce.

My daughters generation, “Generation Z,” have a bad perception of marriage due to the divorce rate. Although many view marriage favorably with 81% open to the possibility, just how committed are they to maintaining a marriage?

Desire for Change

By the time I was my older daughter’s age (27) I was married and she was born! Earlier this year she expressed that marriage may not be for her because the thought of remaining married to the same person was disconcerting.

We also experienced a death less than two years ago. My mother-in-law passed and my father-in-law was quick to remarry. It was apparent how being married to the same woman for well over fifty years left him feeling free following her death.

It’s only natural to want to experience change. People do change. Our spouses are not the same people we said our “I do’s” to. But there is nothing better than experiencing the comfort and ease of having a life partner.

Desire to Experience the Happily-Ever-After

Marriage is seen as a commitment and that scares young adults from taking the plunge. It takes a desire to face the challenges that come with marriage. But if we set ourselves up with realistic expectations and commit ourselves to the work the happily-ever-after can be achieved.

Tips to maintaining a marriage:

• Key ingredients are communication, respect, and compromise
• Spend time together, while offering each other space
• Forgive and offer grace
• Own and acknowledge poor behaviors and choices
• Grow out of mistakes and be proven trust-worthy

When Love Isn’t Enough

There are few Bible verses I struggle with because they do not allow for areas of gray. I do not view divorce as a sin and will not judge any of my friends who choose divorce. There are instances in the Bible that permit divorce but not representative of God’s plan.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 4:8 NIV

What does it mean when “love covers over a multitude of sins?” God’s love embraces forgiveness which means we are to forgive the sinner. When we choose to forgive does that mean we need to stay in a unhealthy relationship? Just because we forgive doesn’t mean we are going to forget.

If the sinner is a repeat offender then what good is grace? To truly persevere through marriage you have to want it enough to not sin. Sin leaves the spouses heart tainted, and the love loss results in divorce.

What are your thought of divorce? Are you willing to stay in an unhealthy marriage for the sake of convenience? And what length would you take to preserve your marriage?