We raise our children, soaking in their achievements, choosing to honor our successful parenting with a celebratory cocktail. The alcohol freely flows and our children bear witness to alcohol abuse at a young age. As our children grow, our prideful behavior continues until breaking the cycle we can finally build healthy lasting relationships.
Breaking the Cycle of Alcoholism
How do you break a cycle if you do not recognize the source of the problem?
All to often we trudge through life casting blame. Everyday we look in the mirror, admiring our reflection with little regard that we are the source of our own problems.
Once we identity our problem, then we can reveal the roots. Most often we are just repeating a learned cycle.
The most beautiful gift I can offer my daughters is a mother who lives her life free from the grips of alcohol, instead being filled with the Holy Spirit.
My mother does not use alcohol to cope. She has Christ. My father, however, did struggle. Alcohol was abused in my home.
I want my daughters to know that they have choices. And alcohol doesn’t have to be one of them.
By Shadowing Good Behavior
COVID brought some families closer together, while destroying others. When the pandemic hit, my husband and I did not have the healthiest household. We lacked purpose, engaged in alcohol abuse and I had no coping skills.
We shadowed to our daughters a lifestyle that wasn’t healthy. What they witnessed was a couple who thrived on fun and had a volatile, but loving relationship.
We spent our 24th wedding anniversary on lock down. The theme of the night (as shown in the pictures) was a night on the town. Our night consisted of the cocktail lounge, dinner, after dinner drinks, the cigar lounge and of course, the night club.
Today, I will have a glass of wine with my daughters. But, I choose to not abuse alcohol, like I once did. Alcohol is no longer used to pacify myself. What they witness now is a woman who is in control, by surrendering control.
My husband and I choose to play games to bide our time, not drink endless alcohol. We have introduced a new tradition for Christmas gatherings. At one time we consumed too much alcohol with friends and family after dinner, now we play games or engage in sober-filled conversations.
Our marriage wasn’t at a good place prior to COVID and slowly disintegrated 2020. Not just alcohol, but living a life that lacked purpose is what did me in. We still have our struggles but are shadowing to our girls how to persevere through the rough times without alcohol.
Breaking the Cycle
Breaking the cycle is easier said than done. For our family it took disaster. I needed to be totally broken, reduced to dust. If we are not willing to make changes, God will intervene and it isn’t always pretty. In the end my disaster turned into the most beautiful gift.
My message is to bring awareness to others who are struggling and turning towards alcohol to soften the blow of life. I would love to see a collective effort of moms around the world breaking the cycle. But the first step is the most difficult, because we do not see ourselves as the source of the problem.
We also need to recognize that alcohol is just one of our problems. Spreading rumors, gossiping, talking behind a friend’s back, and not showing respect are all learned behaviors. Over the years I am guilty as charged, but today I can choose to model behavior fitting for my daughters. We are not meant to be perfect, but we can strive to do better.
Our lives might appear picture perfect, but on the inside we are crumbling. It is possible to restore hope, rebuilt relationships, and be the parent we are meant to be. It is up to each of us to uncover our God-given purpose in life.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 ESV
Resources
A couple weeks ago Brown and Crouppen, a law firm in Missouri, asked if I would share a resource on under-age drinking. Next week I will delve deeper in under-age drinking, expanding on their article.
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