Clearly, from sharing my previous blog posts, I am a well-rounded sinner. However, it is the sin of gluttony that brought me down. My antics of March 17, 2021, set my trajectory when God decided to cast judgement upon me. My over-indulgence of alcohol made me a glutton who was left in the dark for my punishment.
Barreling down the street, I was coming in hot. As I braced for impact, I didn't have much time to react. Young, inexperienced, fueled on high octane it wasn't looking good. Fortunately, I didn't harm anyone or anything on my path to destruction. Still I was carrying precious cargo, their futures hinged on my chosen path. The way I saw it I had three options, but the fourth one was the one that saved me. A direct, straight forward hit, my solid frame would be wrapped around a massive tree trunk. Standing its ground, the tree has deep roots. It is the namesake of the road and isn't going anywhere. I would have taken the brunt of the impact. If I were to veer slightly to the left or right, the fortress built on sand would have softened my blow. The fortress is situated at a nasty bend in the road, where others before me have been weaponized by a drunken rampage and attempted to knock the home off its foundation. The third scenario was what I feared the most. If I were to follow the curve of the road I would plummet into the icy waters of the angry bay. As my owner would say, "I would have been ridden hard and put away wet!" Sitting there on my path, was the matron of my family. She was fearless. She had miles of experience, evading capture over the years. Through the years she had her share of abuse, but a good polish would make her appear flawless. Her days were numbered and she did what any parent would do, put their life on the line. On that day, March 17, 2021, life as she knew it changed. The damage to myself was minimal and the precious cargo was spared. But, she would be sent to the salvage graveyard, repurposed for a better life.
A glutton for punishment by being left in the dark.
The previous fictitious narrative is the story I tell myself. The only true clues I have from March 17, 2021 are from the police report, because I had a temporary lapse of memory loss. The darkness of that time period might be for my protection. God will cast the light on what needs to be seen for my healing.
Have you ever woken up in the morning questioning,
“What did I do last night?”
The last thirty-five years I have experienced temporary moments of amnesia. It hasn’t been a regular occurrence, but as the years progressed so has the problem. Two or three times a year should have been enough of a warning to say, “Karen you have a problem.” My amnesia is always alcohol induced.
A glutton for over-indulging in alcohol, not food.
Gluttony can be defined as an excess in eating and drinking. We can rule out food for me, because as a naturally slender person, food has never been an issue. Ironically, to be a blackout drinker food is a contributor. The lack of food in my body with the consumption of alcohol is what did me in each time I had an alcoholic induced blackout.
Research indicates that blackouts are more likely to occur when alcohol enters the bloodstream quickly, causing the BAC to rise rapidly. This could happen if someone drinks on an empty stomach or consumes large amounts of alcohol in a short amount of time. Because females, on average, weigh less than males and, pound for pound, have less water in their bodies, they tend to reach higher peak BAC levels than males with each drink and do so more quickly. This helps explain why being female appears to be a risk factor for having blackouts.
A glutton breaking free from the dark.
I no longer view the events of March 17, 2021, as a punishment, but an awakening. My life will need to change and it is a blessing to be given a second chance. When I asked for forgiveness for my sins, I allowed Jesus in. It is through my relationship with Christ where my peace is derived, not the temporary presence of alcohol. My new approach to life has never been brighter.
The Day Is Near
And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.Romans 13:11-14 NIV