The Adulterer: don’t let him in.

During times of vulnerability, temptation has a way of creeping in. And temptation comes in many forms. Many addicts are addicted to alcohol and drugs. These drugs are tangible and need consumed to satisfy the craving. The drug craving is spurred on by the obsession of the mind. Other temptations are more elusive, because even though our mind will obsess, the craving isn’t necessarily satisfied by a tangible presence. It is the words or the actions of the temptation which toil with the heart. The adulterer uses temptation to go after your heart, so don’t let him in.

So when you hear the adulterer knocking don’t let them in.

When I write, I prefer to use the human form to represent temptation. Although I have personally struggled with alcoholism and alcoholism is known to destroy many marriages it is the human which causes the destruction. The alcoholism is a symptom of a far greater problem. Alcohol will cause the already weak individual to lose their inhibition’s and commit the act of adultery.

The human form can destroy the healthiest of relationships if we don’t remain grounded and sober-minded. Many relationships appear healthy but it will only take the slightest hiccup and the beautiful house of cards comes crashing down, destroying what took years to build.

Not only don’t let them in make sure they know you live in a full house.

I’ve been around the block but for the last twenty-eight plus years I stayed close to home. Actually, I never left my house. Not literally but metaphorically I have remained faithful to my husband. I didn’t sneak anyone in the back door. And I didn’t notice any strangers lurking in my husband’s shadows.

Infidelity is known to destroy relationships. Trust is breached, respect is lost and insecurities are formed. It isn’t just the spouse who is impacted by the sin but the innocent children. The family is under attack and the children’s home is what is at stake.

Children’s behavior is modeled from their parents. Respect is learned and how children view themselves is a reflection of how the husband treats his wife and vice versa. The damage done has a ripple effect on the lives of many for years to come. For many the result is alcohol and drug abuse.

More information on the impact infidelity has on the children…

Don’t let them in even if your house is empty.

The tempter and temptress come in many forms. I understand how affairs happen, we humans have innate human desires and when weak are susceptible to sin. The strongest foundation might become unstable, shifting throughout the life of a marriage. A spouse may not always be physically or emotionally present, leaving the other vulnerable. Left exposed their partner may easily fall prey to another’s sinister intentions.

Sometimes it is those words that don’t need to be said and other times it’s a look that says it all.

Karen Esbenshade

It is not for me to judge others’ relationships because I understand how difficult marriage can be. I also understand we never know what actually goes on inside the well-manicured, secure looking homes of others.

Empty words which can be used to feed an ego, can also be used to heal someone from the insecurities formed by their damaged past. Sometimes it is those words that don’t need to be said and other times it’s a look that says it all. For a weak marriage it can take very little for one to stray.

Over the year’s I have witnessed infidelity in other people’s lives. I witnessed how other’s chose to publicly humiliate those whose adultery was made known, while their own household was in need of maintenance. I will call a spade a spade. Be on the lookout the tempter comes in many forms. I have categorized the adulterer into five categories: loiterer, nosy neighbor, salesman, homewrecker and unexpected guest.

Be on the lookout for… and don’t let them in.

The Loiterer

The loiterer will end up at your doorstep following activities such as sporting events where parents congregate to cheer on their children. They can be spotted at the Yoga studio or at church. They will admire you from afar and following a night of binge drinking will summon up the drunken courage to make contact. And most likely, the following day, not recall the incident.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8 NIV

The loiterer lives in a fantasy land. Not being satisfied on their home front, living vicariously through the lives of others. They are typically just a nuisance.

The Nosy Neighbor

The nosy neighbor might be in need of a cup of sweetener. Always available with a second set of hands. Towards the end of the night at the conclusion of a block party may offer to get you home safely.

If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife-with the wife of a neighbor-both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.

Leviticus 20:10 NIV

Let the above scripture be a warning. Actually the punishment isn’t a literal death but a spiritual death. The nosy neighbor is usually innocent, just bored and complacent with their own lives. They are more interested in what is going on in the other people’s houses. They are familiar with the home front and know the lay of the land, making the adulterous behavior an inside job. When they see you around town they will act as if nothing has happened.

The Salesman

The salesman goes from door to door peddling his goods. Wanting to test your equipment and have you sample his product.

He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come-sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come inside and defile a person.

Mark 7:20-23 NIV

The salesman he is the sleaziest adulterer. He is greedy and more concerned about his profits. Once he makes sure everything is working properly and satisfied with his inside sales job, he will easily move on to his next customer.

The Homewrecker

The homewrecker will prey on the fractured home. They are usually bored and in need of attention. They are always available to satisfy another’s need. So giving.

Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.

Proverbs 2:16-17 NIV

The homewrecker comes from a broken home so why not destroy another woman’s castle. The family is just collateral damage as long as her needs are met.

The Unexpected Guest

The unexpected guest will appear following their own breakdown. They might stumble across your dwelling attracted to the exterior façade, noticing the repair work needed on the inside. Usually this relationship would be mutually beneficial while it inflicts pain on the lives of the others in their lives.

And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.

2 Corinthians 11:14 NIV

The unexpected guest will ease themselves into an unsecured dwelling. Complete the work that needs done and when asked to leave will oblige. But the memories made of their visit will overstay their welcome. Their meeting is by chance so they will live with the guilt of the brief visit.

Store your heart under lock and key, for the adulterer will come knocking and is after your heart.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23

When we allow temptation in make sure to give it the boot before it takes up residence in our heart. As humans we are vulnerable and susceptible to sin. It is not the physical heart but our spiritual heart which will protect us. When we guard our heart we are keeping the adulterer out and do not allow temptation to take root..

God has placed my husband in my heart. When we made a commitment it was in front of God. My husband is part of God’s plan for my life. It is up to me to remain faithful to our mutual agreement honoring God. If you stray you will be committing spiritual suicide. But if your spouse offers grace and you seek forgiveness from God, you will be provided a clean heart. It is up to you to keep your heart pure, not allowing the adulterer in.

To read more on guarding your heart…

As an imperfect human my growth has been spurred on by a life catastrophe, because I chose to ignore my struggles. Instead of choosing to look inward and identify the source of the problem, which was ME, I placed blame on the society around me. The end result was to numb my discomfort and quell my anxieties with that one glass of wine. By the grace of God I was able to seek forgiveness and unearth my flaws. Through sharing with others I was able to accept my flawed self and learn I did not need to suffer alone. The result peace, from a loving God, not the spirit in the bottle.

What are your struggles?

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