The temperature of a healthy friendship.

It should be a tad bit warm.

What is it you feel when you are surrounded by friends? Have you received the cold front when they don’t approve of your actions? Perhaps, it’s a raging inferno when you have pissed them off. What exactly should a healthy friendship feel like? Do you feel their radiant glow when you need comforted? The temperature of a healthy friendship should be a tad bit warm, but adjust to meet the conditions of life.

The chill of a grey day on the water.

The angry sea pushes the boat into unfriendly territory. The closer we get to land, the chill starts to set in.

A blanket is the only protection from the cold welcome I am about to receive. Surprisingly, happiness fills the air as pleasantries are exchanged. It's not the welcome I had anticipated.

I cover up, poking my head through to say, "Hello." Not wanting to expose my vulnerable heart. Although I know my heart is well protected, for I have moved on and put the past behind me.

The warmth I once felt now replaced by a sudden chill received by the howling wind, an echo of words left unsaid. I am left with unanswered questions, questions that no longer need answers.

What I felt that day on the water was a friendship that could not withstand the stormy seas of life. Once the storm blows over healing happens and life continues.

Throughout life friendships ebb and flow like the tide. It is normal at one time to feel the warmth from a friend, then to enter into a season of change, which leaves the friendship cold. A solid, healthy friendship is meant to withstand the temperature changes.

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The Temperature of a Warm Friendship

A Friendship Worth the Weight of Gold

Do you have one of those friends whose smile alone warms you up? She has a cheerful disposition and will leave you laughing in the middle of your trials. A golden friendship is one that holds great value. They are positive and seeing the best in us, ignoring our many flaws. But yet, a friendship can’t be measured and is invaluable.

"Friendship is a priceless gift that cannot be bought or sold, buts its value is far greater than a mountain of gold. For gold is cold and lifeless. It can neither see nor hear. In times of trouble, it's powerless cheer. It has no ears to listen, no heart to understand. It cannot bring you comfort or reach out a helping hand. So when you ask God for a gift, be thankful if not diamonds, pearls, or riches but the love of real, true friends."
--Muhammad Ali on Friendship

If you were a scout back in the day, you might recall, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.” A new friendship is equated to silver, while a lasting is gold. Just remember your golden friendships were once silver.

The Friendship Aged to Perfection

Do you know that feeling after drinking a glass of red wine? The initial glass of wine leaves a comforted-induced relaxation. A mature friendship can be likened to an aged glass of red wine. Overtime balancing each other out, the result a deepening friendship as the years progress.

"A true friend is like a well-aged wine; their presence only gets better with time."

--Unknown

On another note, too much alcohol is unhealthy for most friendships. When we overindulge in alcohol it prevents us from being present in our friends lives. Alcohol doesn’t ground a friendship.

Friendships Firmly Rooted in Place

A friendship built on a strong foundation will be able to withstand the shifting tides of the relationship. Friendships develop over time. Depending on life’s trials the bad will naturally weed out and allow growth for new healthy friendships. Good quality friendships when maintained will flourish, not die.

"When friendship is deeply rooted, it is a plant that cannot be uprooted by a storm."

--Unknown

There are times in life when we meet people at our most vulnerable. During those times we may not make the best choices and not show up as a true friend. Before we can be a true friend, we need to weed out our past.

The Temperature of Cold Friendship

Bittersweet Friendship

There are times when even the best of friends only add to an already unhealthy time in our lives. They are as sick as we are and those friendships end up being toxic. Alcohol exacerbates our behaviors with these friends. Mood altering drugs keep us from being present. For a healthy friendship it is important to be present.

"It is bittersweet when best friendship grow apart, but it opens the door for new friendships and experiences."
--Unknown

We should not blame our friend for our problems but look inward. Sometimes it is necessary to distance ourselves from the friend, not in spite of the friend. We can be a much better friend after we address our own problems.

The Uncertainty of the Ambivalent Friendship

There are some friendships that leave you questioning its demise. They are quick to write you off after you did them wrong. A discarded friendship is as if it never had any value. For these friendships its best to let them go.

"A true friend is one that is always there for you through thick and thin."
--Unknown

To avoid resentment, make sure to understand your part in the breakup. Offer forgiveness if necessary and know that they do not have to reciprocate. A healthy friendship isn’t a one-sided friendship.

The temperature of a lasting friendship.

Friendships that stand the test of time are sweet and add warmth.

The past ten days I had the opportunity to spend one on one time with a friend I have known for thirty plus years. We spent time talking and sitting in silence. I cried and we laughed.

There are many months we have gone without talking, not out of anger but life simply got in the way. We raised our children together and over the years have shared private moments. Our friendship remained unphased by my transgressions, rather strengthened over time.

My friend and I have gone through many changes over the past thirty years. Friendships go through seasons of change and not all are meant to stand the test of time. We can learn a lot from the friendships that remain.

A lasting friendship is much like a thermostat, it will naturally warm and cool the relationship. She will offer warmth when we are sad and just the right out amount of cool air to shock us back into reality.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
--1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV

God will meet your needs through the people He places in your life. You will experience heartache from friendships that dissolve and find healing through the unexpected.