We tuck away our emotions, not wanting to reveal the roots of our pain. When really what we need to do is unearth the painful past. Writing is an excellent tool for recovery. A Writer’s Guide for Recovery is a place to safely explore your past and create your happily-ever-after.

Swallow Your Pride

A Writer’s Guide for Recovery

By the time we hit middle-age we lose sight of who we are, no longer recognizing our reflection in the mirror. Which begs the question, “How well do you know that woman staring back at you?”

Swallow Your Pride takes you on an introspective journey, sharing my brief stint at rehab to discover that alcohol is the least of my problems. It is there where you meet Jezebel, a fictional character, who represents the manipulator in each of us. She is the woman that disrupts our path to heal.

Alcoholism, recovery, and shame are tough words to digest. Even more difficult is to accept that you, not society, is the source of your problems. A Writer’s Guide for Recovery lovingly peels back the layers of self to reveal the beautiful, main character God has cast for your story.

Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery is sold on Amazon.

Chapter Contents

• Introduction
• Jezebel, the Spirited Woman – A significant turning point in Swallow Your Pride is at the book’s midpoint. Jezebel, The Spirited Woman emerges from the protagonist. She is lurking in the background the first half of the story but it isn’t until the midpoint that do we identify her character. This is the last chapter I wrote and the most important chapter of Swallow Your Pride.

Introduction

Daylight creeps in, waking me from the darkness that fills my mind. My mind is in motion, while my memories freeze still. The fragments of my consciousness, splinter into pieces and pierce my insides as I digest what I have done. The bitterness of the vile memories are lodged in the pit of my stomach. I desperately want to regurgitate the late-night events, purging them from my perfect life. If only my body would vomit the actions weighing me down. To cleanse me of the shame which continues to build.

There was so much anticipation. Everything was wonderful. The laughter was contagious. We did what any good hosts would do and fed our friends with an endless supply of alcohol. I’d waited fifty years to celebrate my half-century mark. I had much to celebrate.

My life is the envy of many of my friends. I am richly blessed. The kind of blessings the Bible warns us about.

“A faithful person will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished” (Proverbs 28:20 NIV).

I roll out of bed and make my way to our living area to hear the familiar voices of the morning news. Waking up to my living nightmare, the world is in turmoil with absolutely no way to alter the society surrounding me. I am not welcomed by all. My husband, my faithful drinking buddy, is kind and loving, but my daughter has a look of disdain. Clearly, her recollection of my birthday party is quite different from mine.

– Memories from the day after my 50th birthday party, February, 2021

***

Life happens, and it doesn’t give us much control over the outcome. As each day passes, we are expected to deal with a broken society, institutions working against us, and morally bankrupt people. We are forced to bend over backwards and take it.

Central Argument

My real problem was not the world around me but how I chose to deal with it. I was going through life hindered by my own flawed character, choosing to cast blame on others, not accepting the source of my problems—me. I was a woman losing the battle of life and resorting to alcohol to cope. Not only was the alcohol toxic, but my daily routine was doing me in.

I’d wake up, get caught up in the dysfunction of our world via network news and social media, work out, put in a couple hours of work from home, more social media and afternoon mind-numbing news, drink a glass or two of wine followed by dinner, cap it off with nightly news, and snoop into the lives of my social media “friends,” then repeat.

If I were my daughter, I would have been disgusted with my life as well. My life was lacking purpose. And my behavior was becoming as repetitive as my daily routine, failing to learn from my experiences.

Book’s Purpose

This book was born out of arrogance. In the past, I have written many monologues to belittle an adversary. Although passionate, my writing was not a constructive form of communication. It did more harm than good. But now, following a self-induced traumatic event, I have become more sympathetic to other people’s plights. We all have special God-given gifts. God is the Father of second chances, sympathizing with our human character flaws. He has given me an opportunity to use my writing to help others overcome their shortcomings and rise above. The Bible is my resource manual to guide my words, not relying on my own self will. The Scriptures are where I find comfort and the confidence to share my story.

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16–17 NIV).

God is already using my experiences which are not pretty; actually they are quite humiliating. I am certain my most recent antics will top your most pathetic self-induced episode. Knowing we are all human, you may find my struggles relatable. I decided to throw myself under the bus to be used as an example so we can work through our faults together.

Be prepared. The delivery of my message is unique. My hope is that it will not only help you but entertain you! As my mind has become polluted, allow me to share my heart through my story. My heart will be sensitive to your plight and vulnerable enough to expose my own struggles.

Defects of Character

Shame is a continuous theme woven throughout my story. I am not afraid to get into the ditch, get a little dirty. I won’t even ask you to get your mind out of the gutter. I will meet you there and together we can climb out. Be prepared to get sucked into my story. It might make you feel dirty, shameful at times. I am a visual person, so my need to use imagery to guide my words to bring my story to life is necessary. Otherwise, my message will get lost in translation. My message is too important. It has the power to ease your daily anxieties and soften the blow of life.

Although alcohol abuse and addiction are key issues addressed in my story, this book does not condemn alcohol use but exposes our defects contributing to our need to take a drink. I will share the methods I apply to my daily living, aiding me to live with my addiction. It may not be necessary for you to go all in and still be able to enjoy that glass of wine, but not be driven to drink uncontrollably.

Problem

At the age of fifty, I did not recognize my reflection in the mirror. Which begs the question, how well do we know that woman staring back at us? Are we wearing a mask as an attempt to fool others while only fooling ourselves?

Solution and Promise

What I hope is to help you peel back the layers of yourself, to expose your true identity. Like dicing an onion, it will be uncomfortable. And, like me, you may shed a tear. May you find a woman, who is unabashedly unafraid to remove her mask, and finally be at peace with the beautiful woman God has intended for her to be.

What makes Swallow Your Pride unique?

Point of Views

To deliver my message, I write from different perspectives. The reason being that as we encounter certain situations in life, depending on how strong our foundation is at any given time, we may react differently. My self-help book reads like a speculative memoir, sharing examples and what if’s. All of these different perspectives will offer a new way to look at addiction and temptation.

The first person point of view will share my experience during a difficult time of my life; the second person point of view, which is your role, inquires about how you may handle the situation; and the third person point of view creates a fictionalized girl we will name Jezebel, who represents our daily struggles. She is a character I’ve cast my shame upon who represents our flaws. She will be our scapegoat. Her antics will bring your fantasies to life. Or perhaps you will choose to sympathize with her. She is a woman struggling with her faith but has a desperate desire to better herself. Jezebel will need an antagonist, of course. You will meet Casanova, a fictionalized version of a real person, whose weaknesses strengthen the girl’s character and challenge her recovery, by tempting her.

Human Perspective

More importantly, I write from a human perspective. We humans are fallible and all deserve grace. My writing style is not for the faint of heart. It is hard to digest at times, because the shame behind our behavior, addiction, and/or temptation is tough to swallow. When I share a lust-filled storyline, it is the part of my memoir that represents a lurid romance between these two fictitious, broken characters, Jezebel and Casanova, addressing the struggles of women and men who face temptation and addiction.

It is important to humanize addiction, focusing on the people struggling rather than the addiction itself. As we age, we are surrounded with temptation, challenging our addictive personalities. As my relationship with Christ developed, I transitioned from girlhood into womanhood. This woman has been armed with the power of the Holy Spirit to combat her addictive behavior.

Plot Twist

As I share my story, you will find my journey isolates me from my loved ones. During my time away to heal, my husband was not present, and I was forced to heal with strangers. Their actions could have had a negative impact on my healing if I had not had a strong spiritual foundation in God.

Alcohol was not present during my period of recovery, so sexual addiction will be used in lieu of alcohol to represent the power of temptation. At times, Jezebel will represent temptation, the drug, and Casanova will represent the addiction, the addict. Other times, she will succumb to temptation, not being able to resist his advances. The interaction between these characters will help you understand the challenges that we as humans face. We live in a world where sin surrounds us. We will fall victim if we are ill-equipped, and the result is living a life full of shame.

Since I use fictional characters based on real-life people, out of respect for their anonymity, I will not reference anyone by name but will solely focus on what I have learned from my engagement with them. The people involved during my time of initial healing have made a valuable impact on my life for which I am grateful. While breaking my own anonymity, I encourage you to share your story with others so that together, we can continue the chain of healing.

Recovery Steps

Recovery doesn’t just happen overnight and healing happens over a period of time. There is an order and it is ongoing. This book will highlight the steps of recovery, based on Alcoholic’s Anonymous, Twelve Steps

, so you can implement them into your healing. At the end of relevant chapters these recovery steps will be noted.

Journaling

Journaling has allowed me to relive my past. Seeing my thoughts and actions in my written words has helped me process and deal with my emotions. I will share journal entries that created a spark for my writing, for example,

Journal Entry, April 10, 2021

“I did not realize how my younger days are still so much alive in me.”

Placing my flawed self on paper allowed me to view myself for who I was. Journaling prompts are included to evaluate your life. Make sure to keep a journal handy and express yourself freely. Read and then write what resonates with you. You’ll need to reach into your memory bank, deep into your corrupt mind, gathering the moments which have caused you shame and place them on paper. It is time to deal with those moments, get rid of the weight of the shame holding you down, once and for all.

Biblical Figures

I will also reference certain women in the Bible. These women all have a relevant story to share, which I will draw comparisons to our own lives. Many of these women have a colorful past but one thing in common: as each woman sought redemption, they were granted the grace they so desperately desired.

Scripture Verses

At the conclusion of each chapter I will note the Bible verses that are referenced. Bibleref

and online bible commentary will be occasionally referenced for further explanation. A question will be added to encourage deeper thought and conversation.

Music Therapy

And since music has been very therapeutic during my time of recovery, I want to share some songs with you that may help you identify with my journey, to feel what I felt during this period of recovery. Songwriting is like storytelling. A good composer will help you feel a song much like a good storyteller. Song lyrics are subject to interpretation, much like the written word. Listening to music makes me feel alive, where a glass of wine puts me to sleep. “Like a G6” by Far East Movement would be appropriate for my introduction. I encourage you to Google the song and sing along.

***

One important lesson I learned during my journey is to be thoroughly honest. To be transparent, let me be clear…I am not a licensed therapist and have no formal training to solve your life crises. I have not earned a certificate, though some might claim I am certifiable. I am a “Karen,” a storyteller, and I would like to share with you how my life experiences, good and bad, shaped the woman I am today–a woman who can finally walk with her head held high, humbled by life’s turn of events.

And, if someone as self-absorbed as myself can strive to better themselves, I assure you it is possible for anyone! Raise your glass, it’s time to Swallow Your Pride.

Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery

Copyright © 2025 by Karen Esbenshade

“All rights reserved.”

Jezebel, The Spirited Woman

Each morning, Jezebel wakes up to the dark, the predawn hour. The time of day when evil lurks. She slips out of bed under the guise of darkness and escapes into the early morning hour, looking for a place to hide. The pool is a place of solitude. An oasis that hides in the dark and is silenced by the movement of the water.

The fountain that circulates the water is turned on, drowning the wholesome thoughts of her husband. The cool air awakens her body but does not disturb her soul. She enters the pool to wash away her sins, stretching out her limbs, swimming her laps as elusive as the alcohol that once ran through her body.

By the time she steps back onto the pavement, the sun starts to peek over the horizon. The hues of radiant colors cascade against her bare skin, making her feel beautiful–alive–but still dead to the world. It is twilight, the time between nighttime and daylight, when she doesn’t have an identity. The time she can be who she wants to be but never allowed. The time when others will be able to see right through her. A time when she is safest alone but no longer feels alone.

In the near distance, she feels Casanova’s presence. His silhouette is like a god, a statue watching over her but not keeping her safe.

She is exposed, her wet skin glistening. Brazenly toweling off her body, her whore’s forehead feels no shame. Her focus is on him, her worldly pleasure. Just as darkness reveals her sin, the sun dispels her hidden desires. For him, she is only an illusion, unobtainable. And as the window of temptation begins to slam shut, he will only be able to view her from the outside, leaving him wanting more.

—Jezebel

***

Who is this woman Jezebel, the namesake of our fictitious female character? Does she possess pure evil, or is there some good mixed within her bad? And how does she relate to the modern-day woman? Jezebels live among us, and perhaps you’ve even discovered a little Jezebel within yourself.

Jezebel the Biblical Character

First, let me be clear. I am no saint, and the new me would rather not bad-mouth another woman, but I am going to call a spade a spade. The historical figure, Jezebel, was a scandalous woman of royal descent, a Phoenician princess, and the daughter of King Ethbaal of Sidon. She married Ahab, the King of Israel. For thirty years, she reigned as the Queen and led the nation into Baal worship that included sexual degradation and lewdness. Her full story can be found in 1 and 2 Kings.

Jezebel wasn’t possessed by the devil but embodied many poor characteristics. Idolatry, manipulation, and seduction are three noticeable traits, and each one made her a woman not to be reckoned with.

Jezebel the Idolatress

Jezebel followed in her father’s footsteps to continue the lineage of dysfunction by introducing the worship of Baal to her husband and the people of Israel. Baal was a Canaanite god who was known to corrupt manhood and create a culture of shame for women. She used her influence and power to exterminate the prophets of the Lord and put her own prophets into place.

The introductory scene to “Jezebel, the Spirited Woman” is a representation of the downfall of our society. As humans, we are incredibly flawed, and our pure minds are constantly being seduced. Lust and temptation have been around since biblical times. They are used to bring us closer to God, testing our faithfulness to Him and the commitments we have made to others.

When we women look toward others to fulfill these needs that are best received from our higher power, this makes us idolatresses. Referencing the fictitious admirer in the introduction of “Jezebel, the Spirited Woman,” the seductress mentions not feeling safe because he, Casanova, is merely an idol, one who represents an earthly desire. Our safety doesn’t come from our possessions or the humans in our lives but from our belief that everything will be okay, reinforcing our faithfulness to our higher power.

Jezebel the Manipulator

In the book of Revelation, Jezebel is called out as being a master manipulator. King Ahab is a weak man who succumbs to Jezebel and her wicked ways. Her domineering character trait allows her to easily wear the pants in the family. She’s such a woman of tremendous power that even her husband bows down to her.

The book of 1 Kings, chapter 21, shares the lengths she will go to get what she wants. She uses manipulation to have Naboth, her neighbor, murdered to acquire his vineyard so her husband can use the land for their garden.

As a prophetess, Jezebel acts as a “biblical-day” influencer.

“Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching, she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols” (Revelations 2:20 NLT).

People are easily controlled and swayed by those they emulate. The social media influencer can sway the opinion of those most vulnerable. Chapter “The Good News,” shares more information about social media and influencers.

Jezebel the Seductress

Jezebel was so corrupt and espoused a reputation for seduction. Not only did she use her authority to seduce her people into idol worship and sexual immorality, but also to perform greed-filled acts.

In 2 Kings 9:30-37, Jezebel dies a vicious death and remains defiant to the end. Known as the “painted seductress of the Old Testament,” when Jehu approaches as the next King of Israel to take the throne, Jezebel adorns herself with makeup and watches him from her window.

Is it one last attempt to seduce? Or, simply to intimidate?

Jehu commands her to be thrown out the window and trampled by the horses. What is left of her is eaten by dogs. Not once does she repent. Jezebel represents the fate of those who defy God. She plays the perfect antagonist!

Jezebel the Modern-day Woman and Man

Questions to ask yourself:

1. How do you determine if there is a Jezebel in your life?
2. Or do others refer to you as the Jezebel?
3. And is it really that bad to be a Jezebel in our current culture?

Jezebel the Control Freak

The hallmark characteristic of a Jezebel is having the spirit of control. She is a woman who uses her societal status, intelligence, and beauty to get the upper hand. Kathy Degraw Ministries shares that Jezebel is a strongman’s name for a spirit of control.

A person can have a spirit of control without having a Jezebel spirit. However, a Jezebel spirit will always have a spirit of control.

Control is a problem that wreaked havoc in my life, and to this day, I still struggle. It takes a continuous surrender to not desire control over my husband. Does this make me a Jezebel? No, but it does contribute to the state of my character.

I struggled with the loss of control over my life during the time of the pandemic. While the government directed us on how to behave in public by taking control over our bodies, my daughters developed into their adult selves. They established their independence, which meant I lost control of my parenting and my autonomy.

The problem is that I allowed my lack of control to motivate my actions. It is important to remain in control, but at the same time, to know when to surrender control. Not only does control operate negatively in one’s soul, but when you add pride and offense, it strengthens the spirit of Jezebel.

Jezebel the Prideful Woman

When we are prideful, we never consider ourselves the root of the problem. Our pride keeps us from seeing and acknowledging each defect. Pride is what stands in the way of our healing.

The problem with pride is that it is hard to recognize. It appears differently in each of us. For me, creating the illusion that all was well when my life was crumbling was how I coped. I wore the mask of pride, not fooling anyone but myself.

Alcohol only further exasperated my pride. What I thought was a woman of success, my friends viewed differently. Jezebel, the prideful woman, needs humility, and my goal is to achieve a humble spirit.

Jezebel the Offended Woman

The offended woman has a victim mentality. Under the influence of jealousy, she places blame on others and considers them to be in the wrong. She puts herself on a pedestal when she is the one in need of healing.

I took offense to the world around me and saw myself as a victim of circumstances. It is much easier to cast blame on others than to look towards oneself. When this reality became apparent, my healing began.

I no longer take offense but strive to strengthen my character, starting from within. But first, we need to establish our faults and do a character analysis. Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery, is just that–a way to unearth our flawed self so we grow into our best self.

Jezebel and Her Other Attributes

Although control, pride, and offense work together in the Spirit of Jezebel, there are many other traits this spirit exhibits. Below are twenty traits a person with the Spirit of Jezebel is known for:

1. Refusing to admit guilt or wrongdoing.
2. Taking credit when it isn’t earned.
3. Using others to accomplish her goals.
4. Withholding information.
5. Communicating with confusion.
6. Volunteering to achieve control and praise.
7. Flat out lying.
8. Ignoring those she doesn’t agree with.
9. Not offering credit and not being gracious.
10. Criticizing if she doesn’t get her way.
11. Using one upmanship to upstage another.
12. Exploiting information to gain control.
13. Spiritualizing everything and misusing biblical doctrine to meet her narrative.
14. Being insubordinate, pushy, and domineering.
15. Sowing the seeds of discord.
16. Commanding attention and being vengeful.
17. She is a Miss Know-it-all
18. Giving gifts to buy her followers.
19. Being independent and not a team player.
20. Using her spirituality to gain authority over others.

And here’s the kicker: Jezebel isn’t always a woman but can masquerade as a man or within a group.

Identifying the Jezebel Spirit

A Jezebel Spirit resides in all of us at one time or another, in one form or the other. Before my recovery and during my time away at rehabilitation camp, Jezebel(s) did appear and wreaked havoc on my healing. She appeared as my antagonist force, as well as through several others in my life.

Most Jezebels go through life not accepting that they are the root cause of their problems. It is up to each of us to identify these negative traits and surrender them to God. The challenge presented is, “How do we get someone to accept that they might be a Jezebel?” My offering is this book, Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery, so that it can be shared and discussed, helping to put our negative defects to rest and focusing on our good qualities.

Jezebel the Spirited Woman

Nowhere in the bible does it suggest that Jezebel is filled with a demonic spirit but merely acts on the spirits of her poor character traits. Through our poor choices, we continue to allow sin into our lives. The sin overshadows the good within each of us.

Just as we should identify our bad traits, it’s just as important to recognize our good traits. These same character traits offer Jezebel the opportunity to get ahead in life. God provides each trait to be used for his good favor, but at the same time, we are to surrender the traits that do not serve us.

We are not to condemn Jezebel for her rise to power. We live in a world where a hierarchy exists, and a natural rise in leadership happens when certain traits are exploited. It’s those very same traits that have the ability to bring us down.

In marriage, husbands and wives each contribute unique character traits, both good and bad. A marriage is a joint venture, with each partner exercising their strength to contribute to the union. Fortunately for my husband, I am not the Jezebel in our relationship. But my struggle to surrender control to God in regard to my husband and our marriage is a different story.

Swallow Your Pride, A Writer’s Guide for Recovery

Copyright © 2025 by Karen Esbenshade

“All rights reserved.”

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Books and Other Resources

Drugs, alcohol… need help? https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way is a book I credit for initiating my Christ-centered healing, written by Lysa TerKeurst. I purchased this book and read it during my time at rehabilitation.

The Big Book of Alcoholics is another format of a Writer’s Guide for Recovery.