I couldn’t take my eyes off of her buttocks. She plays the epitome of perfection, living in a very imperfect world. She’s strives for perfection in fashion when clearly her designer and tailor missed the mark. They had one job to perfect the First Lady’s appearance by eliminating seams, but her butt (no pun intended) did not go without notice. My eyes were drawn to the imperfection, a ripple in the fabric on her perfect butt.

Striving for perfection creates imperfection.

I am the First Lady of my home and over the last thirty years of marriage, my husband and his demands of perfection have created a rift in our relationship. The building resentment of his expectations of maintaining the perfect home, perfect family, and perfect wife have created an imperfect marriage. I can never, nor do I want to, be his perfect wife.

My daughters are aware of my struggles and have repeatedly asked, “Mom have you and Dad tried marriage counseling?” His idea of clean isn’t working on our marriage but sweeping our imperfections under the rug and ignoring our problems. It’s easier to ignore our ongoing problems than face them.

It’s not that our world expects perfection but we place it on ourselves. Marriages are messy and when we allow our culture to dictate our standards that is when we fail. My daughters need to understand perfection in marriage, just like our world, doesn’t exist.

I want a marriage that shines, not one that is broom swept.

Striving for perfection as the First Lady

I woke exhausted with jet lag to the demands of my husband. Just returning from vacation our friends surprised us with an overnight visit. Not only was I expected to prepare the house but make the meals.

I have learned over the years to perfect the dinner party and be the perfect hostess. So off to the store I go (with bitterness and resentment). After a few minutes of staring in the refrigerated section for scrapple (eww… clearly from my husband’s list) I asked a young man for his help.

When I noticed that he did not have a full arm, rather imperfect nubs of fingertips attached to his elbow. This gave me pause… What is perfection?

Perfectionism only gives birth to our character defects.

Perfection At Birth

Perfection is the state of being free from all flaws and not sustainable. At birth we are said to be created in God’s image. We are born into a world that is less than and it doesn’t take long for our culture’s standards to wear away our perfection.

At birth we celebrate our God-given flaws.

Striving for the Image of Perfection

I am a woman, who at birth, was born imperfect compared to our world’s standards. Have you seen the television ads for The Smile Train Charity? Children across our globe born with Clefts. Each image leaves an impression of a child born defective, when really they are born perfect, just as God has created them.

Being born with a Cleft Palate, even when I don’t wear a visual reminder, has left me with an impression of being less than. Nearly thirty years of marriage my husband has grown to love me with each imperfection. Butt I can’t help to think would my husband even approach me if I was born with a cleft lip? And would President Trump marry Melania if she were not a beautiful model?

Perfection is from our Creator, not for us humans to determine.

Being Raised in a Perfect World

My speech had been impacted by my birth defect. Children are quick to taunt a child who is deemed imperfect. Well into my adult years I have been reminded of this imperfection. We can and should do better raising our children.

Along with a speech impediment I struggled with learning. My siblings each excelled in school, whereas I quit trying over the years. We all learn at a different pace butt the constant testing told me that I wasn’t enough.

We live in a fallen world, one that should not create our standards.

Perfecting Our Environment

The kitchen is my domain, not only did I spend years designing beautiful kitchens but hours preparing delicious meals. Today I like to maintain a clean, tidy kitchen. This isn’t a trait I inherited.

My mother couldn’t keep a kitchen clean to save her life. Not just free of dirt and debris butt clutter. However, into my teen years my mother went back to work as an activity director at a nursing home and over a five year period worked her way to the administrator of the home.

Being a First Lady that works full time gets a pass at keeping a perfect kitchen. For me being raised in that environment, while struggling with my insecurities contributes to far greater problems. By maintaining a well kept space, free from excess it offers me a false sense of control.

Melania credits her mother for her strive for perfection, while I credit my mother for accepting it’s perfectly okay to be imperfect.

Striving for Perfection in an Imperfect World

Not having control of my environment and learning how to surrender is what brought me where I am today, a woman in recovery. I’m done striving for perfection and would rather offer others grace than unreasonable expectations. We live in a world that actually thinks politicians can fix what is beyond repair.

It’s not that we shouldn’t try, butt we need to stop blaming. Being the President of the United States is a thankless job. The outgoing Administration, overseen by President Joe Biden with the support of his First Lady, Dr. Jill Biden, could do nothing right (according to half of America). And the same is true with the current administration, under President Donald Trump.

One administration wants to blame the last for inheriting a bad situation. It doesn’t work that way. Although traits are inherited, like a Cleft, which my daughter inherited from me, we shouldn’t cast blame. In my eyes, my daughter is perfect, unlike how I view our world.

The problem isn’t the administrations butt that we demand perfection from an imperfect world. It’s how we choose to show up, blaming others for our imperfections. We need to stop blaming butt start working together and support one another’s efforts.

The Perfectly-Imperfect First Lady

Although Melania’s documentary, Melanie, shares her experience as the First Lady preparing for the Inauguration, my story is one of healing. Every four years is an opportunity for another administration to offer their solutions to fix our imperfect world. We need to unite as a country and work together, not berate one another.

After watching her movie, Melania, yes… I do believe Melania Trump has what it takes to be the First Lady of the United States of America. Melania isn’t just a fashion icon butt has initiated platforms that will help heal a broken country. Be Best promotes the well-being of our children and addresses the Opioid epidemic. While Fostering the Future provides resources for children in the foster care system.

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Swallow Your Pride

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Perfectly-Imperfect

We live among people, each with their own character defects. Each person trying to do their best in a world that keeps letting us down. We don’t need to agree on our politics, butt we need to do better working towards our common good. And it starts with each of us individually.

In recovery the focus remains on ourselves, not casting blame on others. A life that embraces recovery we get to create an ideal, the woman we choose to be. On my journey towards healing I am learning to be perfectly-imperfect. I do believe we should be our best, butt also embrace our imperfections.

This attitude also helps with my marriage. When I am upset with my husband for his behavior I can offer him grace for his imperfections. Who knew being a First Lady has such responsibility!

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If interested in another non-aggressive political post check out… Beverly Aikins, is a symbol for hope and a more aggressive post… Deciphering the Truth: Who’s narrative should we believe? Enjoy my writing butt remember if you find a spelling error I never said I was perfect!