Over an eighteen month span my life has done a complete 180. Due to my life choices I was given an opportunity to change the trajectory of my life. For me it was not difficult because I craved change. What has been a struggle is finding the middle ground.

Once I summoned the courage, conquered my fear and fully surrendered I was able to continue my journey of healing. Courage. I would need to make substantial lifestyle changes. I would need to be vulnerable and investigate my past. Fear. The only life I knew would change. Not only my life, but those I loved most. Surrender. I would need to relinquish control to God, because I repeatedly failed myself. I needed to realize I could not control other people or their actions.

Accepting my past transgressions and revealing my resentments were key to finding peace. I needed to explore the ruins of my past. I needed to discover what contributed to the need to pacify myself with the mood altering drug, alcohol. Even though I grew up in church and attended church as an adult, my spirituality was lacking. I needed to renew my faith.

Recovery from any addiction is a selfish process, with the focus being improving self. I wanted to be healthy and whole for my family. My family was very supportive, so I thought all was well. What I discovered is my husband and daughters missed parts of the old me and parts of the new me were a big adjustment. Although they encouraged me and my sobriety, I was not the wife my husband married or the mother my daughters knew.